Hi lovely ladies, I am going through a terrible time atm. The father of our child wants 50/50 care of our son. Our child has high functioning autism, adhd and anxiety. We have a very hostile (not physically) relationship (I am trying to be amicable but he blames me for everything, I just want to move forward). Right now the father sees our son every second weekend from Fri after school to Monday morning and we have gradually just gotten to the current school holidays where the child has done 8 nights with him. Im torn because my son cries and vomits before going to see him, has meltdowns, has gained a considerable amount of weight since visitation began, the child tells me he cries in the shower over at his dad’s house. Our child is 10, I tell him to talk to his father about how he is feeling and he says he can’t. He constantly tells me he doesn’t want to see his dad, I do wonder if he is telling me what I want to hear. Im so lost, and just want our son to be happy but I need this court stuff to be over. Im sitting here trying to do a parenting plan, I’ve looked online but does anyone have a very in-depth plan they can pm me or are there things that you can tell me not to forget to put in it. Im afraid im going to forget something important. It’s all so complicated….. so sorry for this long post but this mumma needs help
5 Replies
If you are in the court process this needs to be bought to the attention of the Court and you need to ask for Child inclusive Conference and a family report. Your son also needs counselling. I would first speak to his father about agreeing on a counsellor and start that process to get your son the help he needs and they can also report to the Report Writer or the Court about your sons true feelings. You are welcome to PM me for advice, I've been through the whole court process and have in depth parenting orders in place due to high conflict between my ex and I.
The thing that stands out the most here is "I do wonder if he's telling me what I want to hear". That says that you are making your feelings about your ex known to your child and you know it. Sometimes kids can pick up on their main carers anxiety towards the other parent and it makes them anxious too. Considering your child has autism and diagnosed anxiety he is going to be extra sensitive to your emotions and your anxiety, he picks up your vibes! All of this behaviour is anxiety, as you know. You need to take a real honest look at where that anxiety is coming from.
10 year olds go through a stacking weight stage to get them ready for puberty's massive growth spurts. Completely normal to put on weight at this age.
Does your son have a therapist? If so start there with what the therapist thinks is best for your child.
Look at family dispute resolution. If you can have a lawyer through legal aid or just a lawyer in general you will be better off.
They will be able to tell you what to have in there and your rights.
Please also trust your gut. Don't agree to anything that you don't think is best for the child. 50/50 isnt going to work if there isn't consistency and constant communication especially with a child with additional needs.