How are other mums coping with the lockdowns? I’m a mum of 3 girls in Victoria. I thrive off a work/Mum life balance. I’ve always worked and I’ve worked part time since becoming a mum 8 years ago. Ive always had 6-12 months off for mat leave and then I get back to my routine of working then coming home and being a mum. I used to love it. Loved being a parent but also loved being “me” at work and having that balance in my life. But my youngest is 6 months old so I’m currently on mat leave again and I’ve found I’ve absolutely struggled this time round because I’m stuck at home with 2 hyperactive, argumentative, wilful girls (5 and 8 years old) who fight 24/7 and have lately been getting naughtier when asked to do something or pick up after themselves. They trash their room and the house and I’m sick of cleaning up after them and my partner all day every day. The baby is the easiest at the moment. Im working hard to keep them entertained such as crafts, walks, games, baking etc plus do remote learning on top of that but there’s only so much I can do before they’re bored again and wanting something new. Im not used to having all 3 home all the time and my mental health is absolutely struggling. Im also starting to resent my partner because he’s been accepting overtime at work and usually goes and does stuff after work so he’s always late home. I basically have to ask permission just to leave the house by myself if he isn’t “busy” and it’s usually only to do groceries. Im not coping with not getting “me time” anymore and I believe it wouldn’t be so bad if we weren’t stuck in lockdown constantly and if we had the freedom to just leave when we wanted. I love my children and would do anything for them but I honestly can’t wait for them to get back to school and I can’t wait to get back to work for a break. How do other mums do it? I just feel so alone and I’m becoming the mum I never wanted to be. A grumpy one that just yells all the time and has no patience left.
2 Replies
Book time for you. Your husband does. Why can't you. IMO women compromise themselves almost as second nature. STOP. Don't ask hubby. Tell him. I am going for a walk xx time for an hour and just go. Don't be compromised. Don't be guilted. They'll survive for 1 hour.
Also stop cleaning the older kids room. Leave it. It's their space. Just close the door so you can't see it. As long as there is no food there. If they don't already, change your battle to their dirty clothes going in the laundry, and then leave their room as it becomes... Wash their clothes, don't fold them - waste of time, let the kids put them away on the floor if they want. Not your problem. If they want something uncrushed to wear they are old enough (esp 8YO) to work out you have to hang things up or fold them. When they work out they can't find things, offer to help clean up and help - don't do it for them. It takes ages for them to learn, but it needs to be so they see the benefit. Your room and family space is modelled tidy. Their room is their space.
You need to set aside time for you. To go for a run , walk etc make this part of your routine.
I am at home with three school aged children and also working full time myself.
I wake up at 5am and head out for a run my kids have started joining me and we are all back before school and work.
I have also written a list of activities kids can do independently if they are finished their school work.
We have also maintained the routine of extra activities like piano, karate , language studies online obviously.
I usually don’t eat dinner with the fam and spend this time on my own showering, eating and exercising.
My children are 5,7,11 and they as are your girls very capable of cleaning up after themselves and helping you. Mine unload and reload the dishes, put shopping away and are able to prepare simple snacks and meals themselves. There is lots of whinging etc but they know if these things are not done there will be consequences. Like no devices , screens etc.
I also make sure I set time for myself on the weekend to do think I like, like having a long bath, loading carts online and not buying things etc 🤣
The other thing I have started doing is taking photos of the kids working or playing together so I can look back on the good bits.
Finally I have thought about things I would like to see the kids improve on they could be school or social/behaviour things and have tried to actively work on them. 5 year old goal less tantrums, 7 year old better hand writing and 11 confidence in his work. When they have made me cranky or I’m frustrated I have focused on their improvements in these areas.