Boyfriend doesn’t want me masturbating, he said if he is away and not with me that it’s unfair for me to masturbate if he isn’t here to watch me because he has never seen me do it before and feels like shit because I’d be horny and playing with myself and not waiting for him, Is this normal for men to feel like this? Is this unfair that he expects me not to touch myself because he wants to be here to watch me? I understand it’s probably a turn on for him but he will tell me if I take too long to answer his message that I better not be playing with myself, I honestly couldn’t care less if he did it, which he says he doesn’t he waits for me to be in the mood.
35 Replies
NO, this is a big red flag. He is already attempting to control you and worrying about you doing a perfectly normal, private activity.
There could be 100 reasons why you don’t answer the phone straight away, his twisted mind jumps straight to she’s masturbating and I haven’t seen her do that yet.
He is being weird and creepy.
Exactly.! Big red flag. He is jealous, insecure over this and controlling. Very creepy.
Him sending you messages saying "you better not be playing with yourself" if you take too long to reply, that's very possessive and controlling.
So no, it's not normal. I dare say he's a very insecure man.
You don't need his permission or blessing to pleasure yourself, actually, you don't need his permission or blessing to do anything you want with your body.
Being in a relationship doesnt mean you have to give up your bodily autonomy, nor does it give him the right to set terms regarding said autonomy.
He would be doing it. Red flag here! He is controlling you. Well trying to.
Run. Seriously. That's controlling in a huge way.
You need to reevaluate your relationship and value yourself here. This isn’t normal behaviour. This is all about him controlling you. Please stand up to him now before you get yourself in further and accept this in a relationship. Do not ever allow anyone to tell you what you should or shouldn’t do. You do what ever the hell you want.
No. Controlling and self centred. You are an adult, you are in charge of your own body, masturbation is only your choice. Is he drawing other weird lines as well? Does he put guilt and rules on your about sex? Or about other things when youre alone? Because that's not ok
That’s creepy. I am with the other comments on this.
He sounds inexperienced, controlling, obsessive and not normal. It’s really none of his business. He sounds like he has it in his head that this is cheating 😂
And by the way, that's not for you to clear that up or argue it out with him, or 'understand' it's his thing so try to work with him. Nope.
So true!
We all know what he is doing while he is away 🤦🏼♀️ But yet here he is trying to control you! Get rid of him.
Talk about controlling! And how would he even know if you did it. Is HE jerking off??
And if you do... What he fuck does he think he has any right to sulk, sook or carry on. 'youre not giving him the attention' ' you're answering the phone too slowly' these are huge warning flags. There's no respect for you here. It's all about him.
It's beyond controlling its creepy and weird. Run, don't walk 🏃♀️
What an absolute fucking creep. Pack his bags and chase him out the door with a massive dildo.
😂😂
***I am the poster***
You all have said what I’m feeling and I’ve told him he is controlling and if he doesn’t I won’t stick around, but I’m saying that, he is 29 this year, his ex wife he was with for 6 years cheated on him all the time and constantly done what she wanted and lied to her friends about him, I don’t know if I should keep trying to get him to go to counselling or something? (they have a 6 year, I have an 11year old and we have a 3 year old together so it makes it hard for me to decide what to do)
Just because his ex was toxic in the relationship doesn’t mean he wasn’t toxic too!
Her cheating DOES NOT in anyway explain his behaviour or excuse his behaviour.
I think if you took a deep dark dive into the health of his behaviour in this relationship this won’t be his only creepy and controlling behaviour. Controlling behaviour usually escalated over time as they wear you down.
In order for counselling to work a person has to have true insight, and truly deeply want to do better in there lives. Making him go won’t make him change. He has to volunteer and dive into it.
Oh no no no. Do NOT buy into the back story. There's always an explanation, there's always a reason, a way you can understand and work with him, weigh up the good parts,
get him help, it'ss a dangerous game youre playing. Some things are not ok, over the line, and that's that. You talk yourself into crossing the line to help him and and it'll be out of your control, line confused and totally gone, before you know it.
1. I bet the ex has a story to tell you.
2. He can get himself therapy. He always could, any of his 11 years of being an adult so far.
3. You can not help him. You will not change him.
I wonder if he was this controlling with his ex? Maybe her cheating was her trying to find a way out. Or it could be a lie he's telling you? But even if she was awful, that doesn't mean that he can be abusive to you which it sounds like has been the case for years now. Honestly, any man that treated me like that I'd be running from if I had a child so they didn't grow up seeing the abuse as normal
You are not his ex and there is no excuse. Also listen to his ex side. He may have Cheated on her and thus is why he is so insecure. Makes it hard when you have a kid together but still do not settle for this controlling behaviour and it’s not up to you to fix. It’s very creepy he would say these things.
Controlling people always believe people are cheating on them. Because they judge others by their own standards, they know what they do behind closed doors.
The ex is always toxic 🤣 and I bet she has an equally interesting story to tell..
RUN, GIRL, RUN!!!!!!!!!
Yep it's always everyone else. You're dealing with his shitty behaviour right now while you say that.
Nope no excuse. It would be interesting if the ex had a different version of their relationship. I would be laying out some “deal breakers” and if he didn’t agree and follow through, bye bye. Also, if his ex is so toxic why is he only controlling about you touching yourself and not other things!!!
Nope no excuse. It would be interesting if the ex had a different version of their relationship. I would be laying out some “deal breakers” and if he didn’t agree and follow through, bye bye. Also, if his ex is so toxic why is he only controlling about you touching yourself and not other things!!!
Masturbation is for me more of a private thing. I do do it with my partner, but i find moments to be with myself and enjoying my own touch.
If you want to masturbate then do it, he doesn’t have to know, but it’s pathetic of him to demand you only do it if he is watching.
RUN, that’s a huge red flag and the beginning of him attempting to control you. Does he not touch himself when your not around? I would think not!! This is the start of a very slippery road and before long, he will take control of more things.
I would never and have never told someone to leave, but for this throw the whole man away
We are always growing and changing and relationships are all about compromise. Me and my partner have been together 15 years and we are always learning and growing and getting to better understand each their and support each other. I think if you love each other and he is willing why not try counseling first. Obviously you guys have a good sex life. Is he a good person or controlling in other aspects of your relationship too? It’s worth a try.
He is trying to control you honey. When he says jump he wants you to say how high. Start seeing a therapist you will need help and support to establish healthy boundaries if you continue a relationship with this man.
nope nope nope nope..
thats a big no for me. just because he can't watch! yeah nah.
I love self pleasure, if I found someone like that, I'd be telling them where to stick the idea of no whacking off.
A lot of women are like this too. It’s so weird. My husband and I don’t really talk about it lol. The couple of times we do it’s like oh well you gotta do what you gotta do.
My boyfriend did the same!
I married him.
Discovered he had been masturbating to porn since we met!
What a two face lying arsehole.
I can guarantee you he’s not waiting