I've been writing in quite a bit lately as my partner and I have been going through a rough spot. He's struggling through depression and I'm just not coping with the pressures of looking after him/our child/the house/studying. Things are improving. He is getting counseling and we are both going to relationships aus. My question today is about both of our not very healthy coping strategies..
My partner has always had an obsession with technology. It's always been a hot spot in our relationship. I'd even say he is addicted. It's his ultimate escape. But he is always escaping into it.
Unfortunately it's kind of "grown" on me. I now find myself with my head buried in my phone screen, absently trawling through social media. It's not also become my emotional regulator as well as his (if I get frustrated I look on fb, if I'm happy, onto fb to share, if I'm sad, it stops the tears, if I'm confused I post on here). It's also our relationship regulator (couple time? We watch a movie, on opposite sides of the bed. Out to coffee? Better check the latest on the Web so we can show one another.)
I can see this rubbing off negatively on my daughter. I feel terrible when I do it in front of her but I just can't seem able to stop! And even if I do stop, it's still so ingrained in our family! (CCan you watch bub while I cook? Partner puts tv on one screen whilst he plays games on the other).
How can I help our family disengage from technology? Partner doesn't really recognise the seriousness of it but I'm hoping to get something to " click" in our next session.
3 Replies
I've been working through this with a friend of mine. She was complaining that they were addicted and when we walked through the house both kids had iPads, portable DVD players plus there own tvs, plus there wasn't a single other room without a TV, add in two lap tops and game consoles. If it sounds like your house get rid of all but the necessities. So for us that's one phone (per adult) one TV and one computer to share for the family (and I think we are being excessive). If you go out for coffee only take one phone. You don't need both and if the kids are with you you don't need any. Go places without an internet connection like camping or similar, overall it will take an effort but nobody needs all that stuff.
I can't beleive this I thought I was reading my own question! I don't know just know I'm the same I feel like disconnectin every thing we have and only have a phone that makes and receives phone calls but then I love always being able I take photos of my kid when something funny happens I feel like I'll never forget these times if they are in photos. I already can't remeber the newborn phase I'm so glad I have photos. I know I could use my camera I'm a photographer lol, I just love getting photos.
following I don't know the answer
I noticed the exact same thing happening in our house. So I enforced 'Technology Free Saturday'. Where we HAD to go do something outdoors (climb mountains, rainforest walk, beach, picnic etc). We can only watch a bit of Tv in the mornings and at night, then it's off for the rest of the day. No phones - unless it's call or text. No facebook. No gaming (my husband is addicted). He accepted the terms, because deep down he knows he has an addiction to technology. It has been the best thing ever!! He's even stopped gaming as much because even he can see the positives. And it's filtered out into Sunday, too, without even talking about it. It's just happened organically. We're getting so much more done around the house. The kids are playing less wii (they were playing way too much). You've recognise the problem. Now take a step towards fixing it. xx