I suffer with anxiety pretty bad. My husband although he hadn’t gave me much reason I always had a gut feeling something wasn’t sitting right. After a bit of talking I discovered he has been hiding messages with an unknown reasoning behind it aside from the fact it was a female messaging. So at the end of the day he has proven me right which is the worst thing in the world. Everything that comes out of his mouth now feels like a lie. We haven’t long ago brought a house where we live with my 2 kids (he’s step) and now I don’t know what to do. The trust is gone but with the rental market I highly doubt I will find somewhere else for my kids and I to live. I love him with my whole heart but I can’t see a way forward from this. When I told him how he has made me feel he pretty much just said that wasn’t his intention. The once loving husband is now someone I don’t really know and I’m shattered. Any suggestions??
4 Replies
He was cheating on you with this woman? I don't think relationships can come back from that. I tried with my ex and I had so much resentment towards him and he really never tried to rebuild that trust he just left it to me.
Not sure if there has been physical cheating but he’s definitely been messaging her
Hubby maybe thought damned if i do tell her, damned if i dont.
I think to rebuild trust, counselling sessions, both together and alone. OP needs to ask questions, and hubby needs to answer honestly. In her alone sessions, OP must address her insecurity, and anxiety, her self esteem.
Majority is going in on this hubby like he is absolutely cheating (nothing wrong, nothing to hide) but that isnt always the case. I want to offer a different viewpoint.
There is the possibility that OP's husband has a innocent and simple friendship with a female,(perhaps someone OP has already mentioned she has troubles with, and didnt want hubby to talk to, hence him hiding it.) and because of OPs insecurity and anxiety she sees any communication with other females as a threat to her marriage. This is a suffocatingly toxic mindset, and if the roles were reversed, we would be advising OP of that toxicity.
I have been in a situation where my trust was heavily broken by my husband. It took me a few days to get my head around it, I felt like I was walking on clouds or had vertigo to begin with.
When I sat down and really considered it, to me it wasn't worth pining over and I chose to move on. He did work to build on the trust though, when he went out he made sure to keep in touch and kept me really updated. If there were women present in the hotel rooms and stuff he would Facetime me and let me know/see etc.
The first time he went away was probably the hardest on my anxiety and each year when the annual trip comes up I get a bit of a hot mess and I just make sure I express to him how I feel and I let him know I need some reassurance etc. :)