Do people really find 'the one'??
Is it possible to be in a relationship you're not questioning whether there is better? That you could be treated better? (Not that he treats me badly)
That you could stop fantasising about the past and future?
Feel like you could be okay with just you and the kids?
Could there be a better s3x life?
Could my libido get back to normal or is this me now I've had kids?
Is this normal??
Can you be still be sexually attracted to him after 15 years?
Is there such thing as 'The One'? Or will I spend another 15 years with someone else to end up feeling the same and having thrown what I have away.
I love him, that's why I'm still here, but why do I feel like there could be... well... just better...
The one....
The one....
Posted in:
Life Lessons, Relationships & Marriage, Mental Health
9 Replies
‘The one’ is stuff of romance novels and rom-coms!
There are a number of people who are compatible for everyone. A lot of what makes a relationship work long term, is realistic expectations, and understanding that relationships go through phases, and a commitment to treat each other with basic respect!
You could just be restless, it could be there are problems in your relationship. It’s hard to comment on your sex drive because they can depend on a bunch of other factors and ingrained attitudes towards sex.
Does it really matter if you have a life long partner? Does it matter if you stay with someone long term and then be single for a while and then be with someone else for 15 years?
These are questions only you can answer. Perhaps a chat with a counsellor or psychologist can help you sort these thoughts out.
As per the first poster, but for me, YOU make it THE ONE. Put in an effort. The grass is green where you water it. Doesn't sound like anything's wrong. It's just samey... You make it better. Put in the effort with this partner, rather than starting all over again with another... It's why I don't get people having affairs. If they have time and energy to foster and carry of an affair, what could they have achieved with that effort in their existing relationship? (I'm not suggesting you're having, or thinking of an affair, just an analogy)
Yes. My husband is 'the one's because we are best friends and choose to be. We have the issues U describe and don't care because we still know we're best friends. I can't imagine retiring and traveling Australia with anyone but him.
I found my forever person. I can see my future with him. I don’t flirt with others, i don’t even notice other guys. For the first time in my life i look forward to seeing him after work, i look forward to cuddling him and hearing his voice.
My ex husband was sexually abusive, i never thought i could trust again, but this man was so gentle and calming, so genuine and loving he took his time with me and allowed me to open to him fully.
I never believed that this was a thing, but for me, i found my perfect human.
I’m not saying this is normal and your situation isn’t. I think some people will always wonder what else they could have had, some people want better and maybe their relationship is lacking something. I have no proper advice for you, i guess maybe you could talk to a relationship councellor? Good luck xxx
Yeah you can be happy with the one you're with. Honestly, if you're not, he's not the one and you're best of moving on. It was explained to me this way, while you're there you're closed off from opportunity so good things are passing you. You can choose to leave that and explore.
Only because it's 15 years and seems nothing huge has happened, I'd also say all relationships take work and go through lulls, you do have to work at it, if it's worth working at.
There are definitely small things that we would change about each other but after 15 years together with my best friend, I don't think there is a better person for me. He is my forever person, my soulmate.
We still argue and disagree on things but not the big things and we make sure to resolve them quickly.
Our sex life is better after kids.
After 15 years together, I am still attracted to him and he to me.
I do fantasize about the future but it is always with him and I can see us getting old together.
I would definitely suggest counselling on your own and together. There doesn't have to be all these questions
I think it’s normal for there to be highs and lows in every relationship. Times where you will be more or less attracted to them. Communicate and make an effort. People throw in the towel over nothing these days. Is he a good husband? Is he a good father? That’s what’s in important.
I believe so yes but what you need to have is a realistic expectation that things aren’t always romantic or easy but what does matter is how you support each other and get through the tough times my husband and I have been together for 18years we were 16 when we met and started dating we have been through our ups and downs as any couple does but we always come out stronger than ever I am still attracted to him I have never doubted how he feels about me or worried that he’s looking elsewhere we communicate and we’re open with one another and that is what counts but I could not imagine life with anyone else he is my one
Honestly, I think it depends on who you are as a person whether you will ever be happy in a relationship thinking 'this is it, this is the one' or continuously questioning whether there is better. I have been there, I don't cope with mundane and routine. I'm the kind of person that needs excitement and adventure. So yeah, for a while, I wondered whether ny marriage was the right one for me because he's laid back and our lives became boring and the same old day in day out. I thought it was because I needed something more and obviously that meant a different man. I think I realise now that I could end this relationship, find another man and fall into the same pattern again. Or together, my husband and I can create that excitement. So we travel and we experience new things together and I find that thrill for life that I need through other things, with my husband by my side doing it all with me.