I feel as though I’ve been battling some degree of depression over the years.
But this is really weighing on me I’ve just had my fourth baby and things haven’t been going well with husband. When we’re good it’s amazing and when we’re not it’s awful and I feel so alone, it’s like we’re good for a week or two and then my mood gets me down and it’s all over again … I feel as though he doesn’t prioritise time for me he will for others so I get sad about it… the other night I was waiting for him to be done with work to only find him excited about the football so I let him be when he asked what was wrong later, I said there’s never a time for me you will always make time for friends/football etc but not me and he then said I spoke to you last night which was all of 10 minutes when you have children. I just want something different like have a drink together once the kids are asleep not just be in front of a Tv 24/7… I’m alone 5 days a week with hardly any adult contact then the weekend comes and I’m not worthy of anything more… I love my kids but I just want more…
Anyhow I was quite upset and said I feel alone these are my feelings etc,. Things escalated pretty quickly and we had a massive argument I then kept trying to fix it to no avail anyways I expressed to him some pretty dark thoughts and proceeded to get my jacket bag and keys to leave… now my problem is he did not even try stopping me from leaving I know if someone said something like that to me I would not leave them alone… I left… I came back an hour or so later and pretty much begged/crying that I just wanted him to grab me and hug me to nothing…
That night I went to bed didn’t sleep just cried feeling absolutely worthless…
Our relationship has always been really rocky with his siblings and parents being very rude and trying to break us up, so there’s a lot of inside stuff I would literally need to write a book about it 13 years worth…
Anyway I think what hurts the most is that he didn’t try stopping me from leaving… if I loved someone like he says he loves me, would you not stop them when they are having really dark thoughts and have expressed it to you???
I’m so lost and it keeps just replaying in my head….
3 Replies
So sorry, the first thing I’d do is get myself an appointment for my GP. You need your mental health assessed and you need to start speaking to a psychologist. Good news is that can be done over the phone.
Your husband is one of those guys who will act all shocked when you finally leave him. ‘He didn’t see it coming’ because the way his life operates works for him, and he can’t possible imagine that it doesn’t work for you.
Make sure you lock that birth control down and when you are feeling a bit better start building a life for yourself. Think about social activities you can get involved in. Maybe a mother’s group to start with (it might not be your thing, but just getting out my be a stepping stone for you).
Let's go back to the start.
Have you been diagnosed with depression?
GP suggest a mental health plan?
Meds?
Where are you up to with all that?
Have you guys ever discussed how your cycling moods effect him?
Have you invited him to speak with your psychologist about what you need in terms of support?
Being the person struggling with mental illness is no more exhausting and lonely as being the support person, and with no support of their own it's enough to drain them dry.
Now to the end. No I don't think he should have tried to stop you leaving. In the middle of a heated argument the best thing to do is walk away. If anything he could have called emergency services.
You need to fix you. Go to your GP. you can’t expect him to be a mind reader. Just because you’d run after someone and beg them not to go doesn’t mean he has to 🤷🏻♀️ Everyone is different. You sound like you’re just wanting attention. Maybe go about it a different way, find his love language, if he likes football, get interested in it and have a drink with him while watching together. Sorry to be harsh but you’re making it all about you, what about him? It takes two to tango.