When does your heart stop hurting? I left my husband/partner of 7 years 2 months ago due to finding out he was cheating. I loved this man with everything. 2 little ones a house ect.
Despite this pain, he has never once blamed me for his actions or disregarded my feelings, he has owned it all.
I know we are over but my heart still aches for him especially when I was blindsided and did not see this coming at all!
I know I’m worth more and all that but how does one switch off the ‘missing him, maybe he wouldn’t do it again thoughts and the love for him’.
Maybe just time? Anyone who has been through this I need advice. I’m not looking to take him back I just want advice on how to empower myself and regain my worth and stop pining I’ve a man whose hurt me so bad. I do remind myself of what he’s done which makes me feel strong for leaving for a split second then I go back to missing him.
Mental recovery after cheating and separation
Mental recovery after cheating and separation
Posted in:
Life Lessons, Relationships & Marriage
3 Replies
It took me a long time. Far too long. In hindsight I should have gotten myself counselling.
The thing with being cheated on. It made me doubt/question everything. It changed who I was. I had thought I thought we were happy together, and so then I had to question everything, it left my self worth terribly low. I realised I wasn’t really grieving him anymore, I was grieving the feelings I lost. Feeling safe, content, feeling trust. I desperately wanted to go back to the feelings of before I was cheated on.
I found cheating really hard to get over. Even when you hate him and know its over. It seems more like the really sudden shock really is a shock to you. I guess other breakups theres clues and a winddown and it goes both ways, and after kids together you would feel it coming long before its called final.
Cheating is the opposite. Hes been doing all the damage in secret so when it finally comes out its already done. Your marriage, your picture of your family, your childs family, your future, your life, the whole thing is over and done. Also you need to get your head around what you thought you had not actually being what you thought. Him not being what you thought. Your life not being what you thought. There's probably events and decisions youll go back over and realise there was something completely different going on than you knew about. Thats damaging. It takes time for your body to recover after a shock like that, and get back on track.
The good part, though, I found, is that you dont yearn for cheats for long. Once it clicks that youre over it all and happy with where your new course is heading, you wont stand the sight of him and would never think to want to check in or hook up, he's fully done.
My partner cheated. I near killed me. I fell into a very dark place, I had a nervous break down and it triggered my bipolar. I become suicidal, and manic depressive. I couldn't function and him sewing me that way, I think, was what saved us
Some times, cheating can be what saves a relationship and we did what we had too, to save our family.
Maybe, your struggling still, is because you wonder, what it would have been like if you worked through the cheating, rather then ending the relationship.... have you spoken to him about your feelings...?
Honestly, the hurt doesn't go away, it just becomes easier to cope with.