Hi sisters. Im not really sure if I'm after advice or just venting. I'm feeling very conflicted and confused.
I have fled DV with my 2 young children earlier this year. There are no contact IVO's in place being that he is only allowed to message me about the children. In the first 20 days he breached the order 21 times. Chil protection have also been involved and back in May when they begun investigating they stated he is to have no contact with the children - I followed their instruction and did just that. Now this week they have redacted their initial instruction and are happy for visitation to start again slowly. For my children I am over the moon as they had a good bond with him, as his ex partner I am feeling a nervous wreck. The reason I am feeling so hesitant is in a month he has multiple court hearings on the same day (facing over 13 charges for different things) and given his criminal history there is a high chance he may end up in prison. I know that I don't know the outcome of this Court date and no one will until it comes, however I am struggling with the fact that my children will get 3-4 visits with him and then it will stop again. It has been challenging especially for my oldest with dealing with not seeing his dad and part of me is reluctant to potentially put him through that emotional heartache again. But on the other hand he may not go to jail so if I say no visits until after the court hearing I feel as though I'm just delaying quality time they could spend with their dad.
I am so conflicted!!! I know I probably sound so selfish but I'm just trying to protect my children's emotional welfare.
Im sorry for the long winded vent, I'm not even sure what I'm asking
5 Replies
I think holding off is smart. They can wait until they know, surely thats better for the kids, assuming he can stay out if he gets off.
You don’t say how old they are but I think you should allow it.
I don’t have advice about the visitation, but I do recommend you get counseling for yourself, someone who specialises in DV, so you can be the best mum you can for your kids. Also look into counseling for your kids, so they have someone who can help them understand what has happened. Speak to 1800 respect or another DV support service for advice on who to see in your area. It’s probably a good idea to look at contact centres in your area, as well. This way you don’t have to see him, and you know that your children will be supervised by a neutral person and will be safe. The fact he breached an IVO 21 times in 20 days sets off alarm bells for me. Do what you need to so your kids stay safe.
If he is convicted of 13 seperate breaches and has any dv criminal history he will go to gaol.
My ex went to jail and doing 8 to 10 years of due to DV. I am now fighting to stop visitations in jail. You may find you need to do the same. It is a long and hard process, but unfortunately they have that right. I had CPS etc. it was physical, sexual mental abuse etc. now I am going to full parental responsibility and no contact at all. Just keep fighting. While you may think they won’t see him after he goes to jail, that maybe a possibility. As for telling them, don’t unless you need to take them to jail to visit.