My dad is a terrible person! I am fed up with 23 years of emotional and physical abuse. How do I cut him out of my life when I will still see him at family events and my younger sister still lives with him? My mum recently left him and he is constantly trying to withhold my little sister from her. I went to pick her up for a sleep over on Friday and all my dad did was say nasty things about my partner, my older sister and my mum. It's the last straw for me, it's made me realise how childish and controlling and abusive he is. I know he is going to end up a lonely old man and I feel happy about that because its karma but at the same time I feel guilty because he is my dad, and shouldn't I love my dad no matter what? Before I went over on Friday I felt sick and nervous. My dad is volatile and inimidating. Extended family have told me off for not speaking to my dad. They say I am siding with my mother and it's wrong to pick one over the other. They all think I should continue to have a relationship with my dad. However, these are the same family members that knew we were all being physically and mentally abused and did nothing about it! I don't want my one year old daughter hanging around her Pop. I am still trying to come to terms with my childhood and I don't want her's ruined and her head filled with poison! Am I wrong to cut him off, he is my dad after all! I am so confused! What should I say to extended family members if I do cut him out of my life? When does enough become enough!?
3 Replies
You are not wrong to cut him off. How young is your sister? I'm concerned that she still lives with him. If people think that your in the wrong tell them they should go live with him for a few years and see what it's like! If your picking your sister up take someone with you (if you can) and don't engage. Just tell him your in a rush can't for one reason or another and grab your sister and her things and go. Don't give him time to ramp up and don't engage in his conversations. That is the only contact I'd have with him. Remind yourself that at some point your sister will be old enough that you can see her without having to see him at all. It's a horrible position to be in
He sounds toxic and damaging.
Are they going through legal action regarding your sister? She sounds like shes between 8-13 years because you referred to a sleepover.
Is your mother in a position to have full custody of your sister?
I agreed that this is a messy situation and you have to do what you need to do to survive.
You dont owe him anything. Be there for you sister and mother. But distance yourself from the toxicity of ypur father and family members who know obviously nothing about the situation at all.
Goodluck mum
Thank you for the advice ladies. My younger sister is almost 12. Mum moved out and they agreed my sis would stay with Dad until Mum had a proper house. Mum now has a house and new partner but Dad only lets her see my sis every 2nd weekend. They have been to joint mediation but that ended in yelling and screaming (literally) from Dad's end and my mum was quite fearful so it is now going to court. Dad has never been physically abusive to my younger sister but he has been manipulative and emotionally abusive. Mum can't really do anything because last time she asked to have my sister an extra night she was punched in the face. Not something I want my own daughter growing up around.