I would like to ask other mums out there for an opinion. I have beautiful 2 daughters (3 year old and 14 months old). My husband and I both work full- time. I also teach yoga two nights per week. The younger one still doesn't sleep through the night, I usually wake up twice per night to feed her. Both girls co-sleep with me. Recently, we asked my husband's mother to come and help, so the younger one didn't have to go into daycare yet. We paid for her airfares from overseas and provide everything else, food, accommodation, outings. We also pay her $100 per week to look after the younger daughter when needed. She is with her only about twice per week, as the most of the times my husband works evenings, while I work during the day. During weekends I like to take one hour nap in the afternoon to regain energy. However, my husband's mother always makes nasty comments. Once she told me that all women work and don't sleep during the day. She told me that I am not the only one who has children waking up in the night. I tried to have a conversation with her around it to find out why this bothers her. When my husband wants to take nap she doesn't comment. She even goes into the effort of making bigger noise during my nap times. It got to the point when I feel I have to ask for the permission. I guess I just want to find out from other mummies, whether it is unreasonable for me to have a nap during the day and let her look after the girls during that time?
6 Replies
I'm a single mum of 3 and how I envy your naps (just like you would probably envy my kids sleeping through, they are older though) so when ever someone has the chance to catch up on sleep I say GO FOR IT! Seriously how is it bad you want to recharge your battery, it's like plugging your phone into the charger you need to do it for it to keep going just like you need your hour nap once a week to keep going.
Unfortunately when you ask people to give up their lives to come and help then they are going to feel entitled to criticize and have a say in what goes on! I think that having a nap twice a week is not unreasonable but I suppose most people don't have a family member move in to help out. I imagine she is thinking nobody came to live with her so she can have a sleep! I suppose what she is really saying saying is 'I came because I thought you really needed my help, but you really just don't want to compromise on life style choices that I see as unrealistic and need to be compromised on'.
I think a nap is perfectly reasonable, & i despise people who feel entitled to be annoyed at your choice especially to make noise so you cant rest! However, i also agree with above, this is what happens when you let someone into your life, they feel entitled to judge it.
I know if it was me & she was stopping my naps, itd be time for grandma to go! Send them to childcare or get a babysitter for a few hours so you can close your eyes guilt free.
Also, maybe she has them more than you realise. If she has them each day you're at work while husband sleeps, she might be expecting a break on the weekend too, then getting them again both days while you sleep. Worth checking to see whats the reason shes unhappy with it. If its just judgment then you dont need that & you definitely dont need to be sleep deprived any more than you are!
I think naps are great. I love a good nap, I don't need one every day but I would say I would try and get a nap atleast 2 times a week, maybe 3. Otherwise I go CRAZY. I am so grumpy I don't. I sleep through the night so do my children, but i'm just someone who needs extra sleep. I was living with my mum after my daughter was born for about 2 years and she made me feel like I was the worst mum in the world for taking a mum. I think a bit of it is it's just a different generation, and she's probably a bit jealous that she never got to take naps. I think also women do judge each other, even family members. I wouldn't let her make you feel bad HOWEVER if you are leaving her to look after the kids while you go nap I think it's a different story. Sure she's come over to help you but she's not your maid or your babysitter. I would try talking to again (obviously not going through her head) and explain again you really need to sleep and that you are a better mum if you are fully energized. But I would suggest maybe try getting your baby to sleep through the night and sleeping in her on bed..that way you wont be so tired during the day and hopefully wont need a nap. Otherwise maybe organize a weekend activity or a sitter to come by for a few hours so the children wont be around while you nap so your mum isnt left with them.
My mother in law and husband were the same - send her home or tell her "my house if you don't like it - leave"
How awful for you, you need support not criticism! Must be that she is resentful, she never got help etc..Sleep is so important, take what you need, not sure how to deal with her.. but know you are allowed to do what you need to.