My daughter is 21 and is on a spiral of self destruction.
I’ve tried everything to help her, money, getting a lease in my name so she could move to the city for uni. I’ve tried connecting her with professional help, she never makes the appointment.
She is supposed to take medication for anxiety but doesn’t. I’ve paid for doctors appointments to get script after script but she never takes the meds.
She doesn’t have many friends left due to a life changing event.
My husband and I are arguing over the approach to take. I’m a seek to learn person, he is yell first then ask questions.
We have given her everything to e could possible give her and thought we had set her up for a good life.
I’m taking her life choices very personally and struggling to understand why such a smart kid can turn so quickly.
I carry a lot of her troubles and can’t talk to anyone about it. I can’t talk to my husband because she doesn’t have great coping skills and gets way passionate about the situation.
At 21 I don’t feel like there is much more I can do apart from provide her advice and support:
I just wish she would open up and talk to me.
How to manage a 21 year old?
How to manage a 21 year old?
Posted in:
Mental Health, Anxiety & Depression
5 Replies
Stop. Honestly just stop, it's horrible and hard to do but you cannot lead a horse to water and make it drink.
She will only accept help when she is ready and willing.. she doesn't want the help :-(
Don't provide advice anymore, be there to support her and willing to open your arms when she comes to you for the help she needs. Don't give up on her and just be her friend for the time being <3
As some one who has suffered mental health my entire life, being diagnosed bipolar around her age, I can honestly say, its time to cut the cord and let her live, and make mistakes. No more leases in your name, let her sort that out herself, no more financial help unless it's dier, if she ends up homeless, it needs to happen. Some time we have to find our lowest point to finally look up. You can not help her until she is ready.
Also, some mental health issues like BPD bipolar, and so on tend to come to head in late teens to early 20's. Often a traumatic event triggers a cycle of mania weather it be hypo or hyper. When did u notice a change in behaviour? What happened in her life around that time? . I spent most of my late teens and early 20's in a fog of mania, triggered by my fathers passing, and sexual assault from an employer. I'd spend like crazy, mixed out credit cards I could not afford, random sex, I was always angry, and explosive one moment and so over the top happy the next. I didn't drink much, or touch drugs but often come across like i was on speed, I'd talk rapidly, and bounce from one topic to another. I'd feed off other peoples personalities and often spoke with an accent unknowingly
Remember, she's no longer a child but a young adult, and needs to support herself as one. Keep your door open but she needs to want help, and will only pull away if you force it
She meet a boy at 18, feel head over heals. They started taking drugs, he treated her poorly and breakup with her in the end. But only to take his life 3 months after they broke up and blamed her for it.
She has had a terrible time with bullies also blaming her.
New BF now treats her good but is a pot head. She was also a pot head but is highly allergic to it and gets violently unwell. I suspect she is doing drugs again as she has lost a bit of weight.
She is always in a downer and tells me how shit her life is and how much she hates it. But never does anything about it.
She tells me she wants to die and that I am the only reason she is still here.
Mind you she treats me like shit, has no respect for me and our family home.
She was in such a downer on Mother’s Day she couldn’t even wish me a happy Mother’s Day and I paid for breakfast...!!
I read your reply, that's a pretty rough thing to go through. Do you all still live in the same area? Seeing the people that blame her regularly, or the thought of seeing them, could be making her anxiety worse and always keeping his death at the surface of her mind. She needs a fresh start somewhere. Is there family or friends that live somewhere completely new who may take her in as like a 6 month venture, where she can find a job, make some new friends, just chill?
How will she ever learn if you're always giving and doing everything for her?
She's an adult, treat her as such. Nobody can help her until she wants help