My ex fiance left me for another woman a long time ago while I was pregnant and as a result of abuse at the end I had a miscarriage.
There was never any closure or conversation and he didn't even know I lost the baby. I was watching the series this is us and how Kate tells her ex who abused her (something I went through) how she felt and that she was no longer going to let it rule her life. I always wish I could do this. I just want closure. Is this a possibility or a possible reality? I feel like I just can't get past it without closure.
8 Replies
I was the same as you. I wanted closure. My ex left me for someone barely out of school when he was 30! I never got closure but you know what? I'm ok with it now. I don't let it rule my life. The truth is, even if you did get closure it probably won't be good enough. There'll always be questions and unknowns. You just have to move on and focus on your life instead of why he did what he did.
closure is different for everyone.
Seeking closure can create more mental strain than relief it offers. You can’t control how another person will hear or react to this need.
I think letting go.. recognise what you need to move forward. Usually it comes from within. You understanding that it wasn’t you!
I don't think I would get closure if I confronted my abusive ex, he wouldn't react as though he was guilty and sorry, he would be arrogant and put the blame all back on me and it will just put me through it all again. Could likely be the same for you. Get closure without needing to confront him, know that you're the bigger person and your life is 100% better than what it would be if he didn't leave. Imagine still being married to him? And a dead beat dad as for all he knows he has a kid out there somewhere that he has never tried to contact. You avoided all that, let relief be your closure.
Contacting an abusive ex will probably open a can of worms and further trauma. Instead, I would engage with a psychologist and write down everything you want to say to him and then bury it somewhere <3
Write it all down in a letter, then burn it....at least you will feel the warmth of the fire when you do that, as you won't get anything from your ex!!
It rarely goes like it does in a movie or tv show. Seeking closure in my experience left me more frustrated. I learnt that closure is a gift I give myself, not something that someone gives me.
I believe closure is when you can be completely over it enough to see it as a story from the past and nothing and more. When it doesnt hurt your heart pr cause you any wanting any thing. And then you can look at it and see things a lot differently from when your heart was invested.
Your closure is that he was an asshole. A real problem person that really did damage to you. And now youre you again and you deal with only worthy people now, building up and collecting good things, you dont have to deal with him ever again.
If youre not there, keep working on you.
closure is basically you have healed, and created boundaries, and moved forward in your life. Get concealing it will help.