Hello!
I have a almost 12yr old boy.
His dad and I have Been separated his whole life and we have court orders for parenting. If dad doesn't get his way, shit hits the fan. There is no talking to him ever, no co parenting, no discussing. It's his way or nothing. Schools, sports, if a special occasion falls on his weekend- too bad.
So last November my son told me he wanted to live 50/50, 1 week at mine, 1 week at dads so it was easier for him and I told him he needed to tell his dad and I'm sure we could work something out.. dad wouldn't budge.
Flash forward to march this year and all of a sudden my son wants nothing to do with me at all!! He wants to go live with his dad full time and constantly asks his dad when he can- he sneakily texts his dad late at night! He refuses to take his meds at my house and if he does he spits it out in the sink when I'm not looking (I have proof of all of this) He disrespects me and my other children, he is constantly bullying my other kids, constantly hurting them, mothers day he told me he didn't care if he saw me. He constantly argues with me, constantly criticises me and my parenting/my house/my job. My other kids can't stand when he's here and always get upset when they know he's coming.
Dad and I have VERY different views on parenting and our houses/lives are VERY different. Dads house is the fun do what you want house where as mine is more structured with routine and rules.
I can't keep doing this with him but he's my son, my first baby..
What would others do in this situation?
8 Replies
You are both toxic. Stop speaking bad about his dad around him if that what you are doing. The dad should be doing the same. you're both pulling him in different directions. This toxicity is extremely stressful for a kid no wonder he's acting out
Definitely don't bad mouth his dad and not sure where you got that from. nor am I pulling him in different directions. Toxic is stressful, but it isn't me that's toxic. It's dad. So before you jump down my neck, actually read the post
Two sides. You'll both blame each other.
Look into alienation, this is how it starts.
Tell him point blank there is no such thing as 100% until hes an adult, his dad cant say yes to it.
I unfortunately would be letting him go.
From what you've said, you have other kids you need to look after. He's creating a hostile environment and hurting your other kids. There should be no place for that.
The grass is always greener on the other side.
Sounds like a disconnect in your house, the way you wrote your other kids (not his siblings) and “when he is here”.
Sounds like none of you consider your place as “home” for your oldest son.
Im always dubious about the whole “I have rules at my place” argument.
Are there any siblings at dads place?
It could be something as simple as it being quieter/less stressful, more relaxed at dads.
Maybe dad also treats him more like an adult?
Let’s him makes some decisions, whereas you have the rules and routine because you need it with the little kids.
Have you actually asked him why and listened to the answer?
I have one mature 12 year old, it’s pretty chilled, no big rules/schedules here.
Also, how does he get along with the step dad?