I need help, I have a big problem with lying and it’s ruining my relationship. I don’t know why I do it, I don’t do it to be hurtful of anybody. I have tried counselling and that hasn’t helped. It varies from small stuff to big lies and I need to stop. I hate myself for it
9 Replies
A good psychologist will help you get to the bottom of why you do this. You might need to ‘shop’ around to find the right one.
What sort of counselling did you try?
https://www.google.com.au/amp/s/www.paulekman.com/blog/why-do-people-lie...
If you don’t know why you do it, you may need to work on your level of insight. I’d have a discussion with a psychologist about that. But they can only take you so far. I also think you need to teach yourself some methods such as pausing before you speak. Practice PAUSE, ask myself if what I’m saying is true, if it’s not true, don’t say it!
I could never be around compulsive liars. It destroys families, relationships, friendships and jobs. You have hit stage 1. Acknowledgement. Well done.
It's hard to come back from always lying. It can take many years for others to trust you again, if ever. Sadly, I was married to a compulsive liar brought on by meth use. 5 yrs on I still struggle to trust him whenever I see him even though he's been long clean. Full trust may never be recovered. It is damage that is incredibly hard to fix.
My brother in law is a pathological liar.
His lies vary from extremely serious to inconsequential but they're always obviously lies (to those of us who know him at least).
I honestly believe in his case, his habitual need to lie is actually a symptom of some kind of mental illness or personality disorder.
I do also know that sometimes lying is a result of very low self esteem, when I was young I'd often tell tall tales or embellish to portray myself better, because who the hell would like someone boring and lame like me.
It became exhausting though and thankfully after maturing I realised I didn't have to bullshit to impress anyone.
Now I'm like, take me as I am or not at all.
So maybe these are some things to consider?
I also think you need to keep looking for a good psychologist though.
I was thinking personality disorder too.
I doubt this one trait is in isolation.
I have a friend thats a compulsive liar and she comes from foster care, a really shit start to life and I do think its the old trying to impress or at least have something entertaining or even normal to say, but she misjudges it.
I have another friend who in high school told two huge, and I mean police involvement level doozies. And Ive never known where that came from. Absolute rock- bottom boredom with your life? From my point ofview it had a huge dose of disrespect towards the poeple you told, or straight up thinking we're idiots.
Im sure theres a reason, you need to find it.
My biological father is a pathological lier. It got to a point where we had to cut him and the toxicity out of our lives.
Please see a GP and see a good psychiatrist before it ruins all your relationships.
We will never speak to him again. He just can’t be trusted.
Wow you are amazing for being able to admit this to yourself and on here. Well done for being honest in putting this out there. You are telling the truth here so now you can do it. Try and train yourself to stop and think, each time you go to lie. Ask yourself is this the truth and if it isn’t then avoid speaking. Distract yourself, walk off and think about it.You need to retrain your Brain.I think you have some issues deep down and you need to see a psychologist to get to the bottom of it and help you deal with this. Read back this post that you have posted and look at how honest you are here. Remind yourself of it. It would have taken a lot to post this. Good for you. Don’t give up keep seeking help for it and keep being honest about it. not just on here but open up to people beofre you lose everyone. Explain to them you don’t know why but you are getting help. Ask them you pull your up on it each time. Don’t be ashamed to tell people.