I've recently found out my husband cheated on me before we got married, he has in the past messaged other women and hidden drug use from me. I am done. I am letting him stay in the house while he finds new accommodation but it's hard because he is struggling to respect my boundaries and thinks he can fix what has happened. Im frustrated and angry at him but trying to keep it together for the kids.
13 Replies
If this was all before you were married why are you ending it? Is he trying to fix what he did before the marriage by genuinely and profusely apologising or has it been during the marriage itself? Have you caught him doing both drugs and cheating during your marriage?
You said 'in the past' so I assume it was all before you married.
My answer will differ depending on when it was. Please clear up the timeline.
If she only just found out recently that he cheated then her marriage has been a lie and she has every right to end it if that's what she would have done if she had found out when it happened.
Because hes a dog. She listed 3 unforgiveable reasons. She probably forgave the others hoping he it was accidents as the naive do. But once you realise you hitched your wagon to a bottomfeeder theres a point of no return.
She didn’t ask for opinions on whether she should leave him.
She’s a strong awesome woman, she doesn’t need your approval.
She asking about enforcing boundaries.
Don’t ever try to make a woman doubt leaving what is clearly a very dysfunctional/toxic relationship, whatever the freaking “timeline”.
You need to actually split. You deserve the space. You need to be done with him so do what you need to to make it happen.
Sorry to clarify- it happened before we got married, we've been married for 3years. When he says it happened I was recovering from a molar pregnancy so we weren't having a lot of sex. This should have always been my reaction to this- I just didn't get to have it at the time because he lied about it and has lied for years
You don't need to explain anything mate. You're done, that's it.
I'm not married but if I found out my partner had cheated on me anytime in the past 26 years he'd be sent packing too, regardless of how long ago it was. A boundary is a boundary and time doesn't move the line in the sand.
You're incredibly kind giving him the option to stay while he looks for something but if he thinks he can fix this you need to be crystal clear because bet your ass he won't be looking, he'll have no intention of leaving. "You have until (example) 4pm on June 14th. After that I don't care if you're couch surfing at your mates, back living with your parents or in a motel while you continue looking. At that time you need to be ready to move yourself and your things out."
He's not useless, he can organise a share house application or 2, he can organise a storage shed to put his things in.
Easier said than done. Legally he doesn’t have to go anywhere unless she puts in writing his eviction day. And if they both own the house then even less likely. The law will say he has rights to be there too.
She can cross that bridge if it happens.
You’ve made up your mind. You don’t need any advice here. Just support from those in your circle who can help you move forward
Tell him to leave and find somewhere else. He is old enough to find somewhere. he will just keep hanging in there. Get him out now.
If you're allowing him to stay until he finds a place I would be giving a time frame so he doesn't overstay his welcome and knows that there is no chance of mending things
Kick him out. If he's trying to reconcile he probably has no genuine intentions of finding somewhere else to live. Sometimes you need to just make a clean break and be firm. A clear- Your actions have hurt me, I don't want to be in a relationship with you any more and it's time you moved out. Give him a date you want him out by. If he doesn't find somewhere by that date call someone you know he would be able to stay with(his parents, family or a close friend) and say we have separated and he needs somewhere to stay, can he stay with you. Then pack his bags for him and send him on his way.