I have basically no one to talk to because i have cut myself from everyone. I don't listen to the radio. I don't watch fake news. I'm so tuned into the bullshit around me, my head cant stand the small talk and lies we are continuously fed on a daily basis.
I have 2 kids 5 siblings both my parents are still here, 13 nieces and nephews and 9 great nieces and nephews and i still have no one that i can really trust or relate to. That to me is disgusting.
Ive locked myself in my house since covid started in march of 2020. Ive probably left my house just over 20 times. I don't want to leave my house.
My younger sister is dying of cancer, shell be passing any day now. Im just so sad. I know other people have it worse. But this is my situation and i want to get it off my chest.
I use to work all the time. Ive been a courier to a flower delivery person, to a fork life driver. Working made me sane. But since my heart attack I cant work anymore. I'm broke all the time. Life for me sucks atm.
I'm the back sheep in the family. The gay one. The ONLY gay one in the huge family im a part of. So living in a European Catholic Family has sucked big time. I think all the shit Ive copped from everyone around me. Calling me names laughing at me, Not ever feeling good enough from me to fit in has been the burden in my life. So i think my sister dying is like the straw that's broken me.
There is only 2 things that is stopping me from ending everything 1st God and my nieces little boy who loves me so much that last weekend he came over he ran to me and gave me the biggest hug and he cried because he missed me. Melted my heart. I couldn't possibly do this to him. But i feel stuck and very frustrated because i just don't want to be here anymore. This world is so messed up and evil it just makes me sick.
I'm pretty sure im going through the change of life. Because any kind of drama turns me into a psycho. Ive pushed everyone away even my daughter who stresses me out most of the time. Every time she visits she snaps at me for absolutely nothing. Its like i annoy her which fucking breaks my heart every time. So because of that i just dont want to be around her.
There's so much i want to type but im tired again. I had to get some of this off my chest.Thanks for taking the time out to even pay attention. God bless you all x
12 Replies
You sound like you are stuck in a really dark and I'm so sorry for what you are going through. My advice is to see your GP and get a mental health plan because it sounds like you really need some mental health support. You deserve happiness and a beautiful life and being lost in that darkness can turn everything around you ugly.
Call life line on 13 11 14 to reach out and reconnect with someone who will listen to your story with compassion. All the best to you. Xx
You need help because you are not well. Get to your GP and talk to them. You need help.
Can you find another work? My partner had a heartattack and a bypass and was working within 4 months. You deserve help.
You sound like someone related to me.
Honestly, your first opening paragraph may be why - your views on the world and thinking you're a "woke" person, dismissing those who believe in science, the news, real findings etc. - sorry but that is probably why. It's exactly the reason said family member is a bit shunned.. thinking they are so much better because they choose to believe non-peer reviewed "evidence"...
I'm sorry that you have been treated badly by your family. But you need to get help to be able to move past that and resolve that. Doesn't mean that you need to get along with them, but for your own mental wellbeing.
Having said that, your views may also be why your family have distanced themselves. If my family member started saying fake news and thinking of us as sheep etc, then trust me, it'd be cutting them off too.
But most people are sheep. Open your eyes and take a look around. So many people in this country that can’t think for themselves.
Its ok for other people to have different views than yourself. Sometimes they clash with your own and sometimes those clashes can be frustrating. But sometimes we also need to have tolerance of other people's views. They can be "sheep" or "slaves to the media", and you can see through it all, but it sounds like your placing all people in that box and shutting the lid. Open the lid a little and have another look. You can still find common ground with people with differnet views. X
As soon as someone starts calling other people sheep or sheeple, I lose all sympathy. You show your own ignorance and simple-minded view of the world. If you are so incredibly clever, than do something about it, rather than feel sorry for yourself at home.
My sympathies to your family and loved ones 👌
Have you ever thought about sheep in reverse? They are also those who follow each other as the non believers of what's going on in the World so dont be so quick to call others 'sheep' who believe differently to you. You are also a sheep, just in the other paddock if you look at it the same way. Let others live and let live and maybe you won't get so many ppl in your life shunning you back.
So enlighten us oh wise one. Come on, open our eyes. Otherwise YOU are the sheep 🤣 throwing around old insults.
Youve realised youre not mentally healthy. Being consumed with the bad in the world and the fake news and 'the state the world is in' is also a symptom of that.
You can hold those opinions but give less importance to them. You can change your view. You can shape your own world, to see the good and the happiness.
At this point youre in a hole so deep i think you need professional help to get out.
Until then, be the change in the world you want. Small steps each day. Go to a beach. Go for a walk. Do something kind and unexpected for that little nephew. Visit your sister. Rebuild relationships, one at a time. Dont think of them as a whole group against you. You can control how you see them. You can choose who youre close to. You have to go out and put in effort to make the friends and relationships that you want
Ima just leave this here for some of you ladies to become acquainted with-
https://www.theimperfectmum.com.au/blog/our-sisterhood%E2%80%99s-code-co...
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Please first of all go and spend time with your sister. Sit with her and tell her how much you love her and you are there with her. Let her know this. Get it out now else you will regret it. Sit your daughter down and talk to her. Tell her how much you love her and you don’t mean to Annoy her. Shut off the negative stuff but let the good things in. Pick yourself up daily and go for a big walk, it will do your mind good. But please go and be with your sister right now and do not let anyone stop you! she needs you and you need her. Reach out and let her know you care and you are there for her in her last days. It’s very important for you in the grieving process else you will be filled with what if’s and guilt. Don’t leave her side. Hope you feel better soon. Find some good groups to join and try to get your happy back.