Sorry for the long post!!!! My ex husband and I split up 2 years ago and at first it was very amicable and friendly but since the new girlfriend has been in the picture, he and SHE have made my life difficult with changing care arrangements for the 3 boys my ex and I share together etc etc. A lot has happened over the last year. Anyway.....in September last year my ex lost his job so therefore, child support payments stopped all together. When we first separated, I had told him that I didn't want anything from him but also stated that if shit hit the fan, it was going to hit the fan hard - and it did. The new GF shaved my 7 year old sons head to a millimetre of his scalp because he had nits but treated my eldest childs hair. This incident caused a massive screaming match between me and her in a public place with my children present (my ex and I NEVER argued in front of the kids) - this incident left my kids traumatised and in the same argument she threatened to take me to court for my kids - which I know she wouldn't stand a chance. So...when my ex lost his job we had a private arrangement previously for collecting child support (CS) however, when he lost his job I contacted CS for them to collect. He declined to notify them for 6 weeks that he was unemployed and therefore accrued a debt owing to me of $3000.00. 8 MONTHS LATER - he finally has a job to which he demanded I contact child support to "wipe the debt" of $3000.00 which of course I declined to do considering I have had no financial support from him since September 2020. I have a wonderful partner now, who supports me and the boys, however my boys are not his responsibility and he has his own debts to take care of. I am 8 weeks away from completing my nursing degree. I have $7.13 to my name. My ex and I are in the process of selling an investment property which he has appointed his own solicitor after agreeing to use the same one. There will be a shortfall in the sale leaving both of us with a debt. I don't really know what my question is to be honest, but I am struggling to come to terms that I will never have enough money to support my children and get ahead in life. Yes, now he's got a job - child support will be coming in monthly but he has put me so financially behind for the past 8 months I don't feel I'll ever catch up. Any advice would be appreciated.
6 Replies
Hang in there. Nursing can be awesome money and you WILL get ahead!! I’ve saved a significant amount of money in the last 2 years from nursing and doing the hard yards and being frugal!
You can do this, not long to go!!
You shouldn’t have a debt after selling a house in this market - make sure everything is above board!!
Pay off smaller debts first then smash those larger ones,
You’ve got this, just keep going
I know it’s hard but you’ve got to stop budgeting based on child support. When I did my budget I always counted it as bonus money. Cause they can just stop paying at any time, and make life difficult. If it comes in great. It sucks that we have to think about CS like that, but seriously if I’d have depended on it, we’d be homeless. So I set my expenses up on the basis we wouldn’t get it.
With the hair cut, it was a shitty thing to do. But the best thing you can do, is stay quiet. Go home and journal the shit out of it. Bringing it up to either your ex or his partner was never going to end well for your kids. If you need to have a conversation, then go home, cool down and then write a text or email, edit it, sleep on it and then send it (if you think it will be conducive to a co-parenting relationship).
Don’t sell the investment property, rent it out for a bit, that should pay the mortgage.
Or does your ex need the capital loss to offset a capital gain you don’t know about?
Def wouldn’t call nursing awesome money. But I’m a single parent & associate unit manager. Own a home & get by. Far from rich but we are ok
Def wouldn’t call nursing awesome money. But I’m a single parent & associate unit manager. Own a home & get by. Far from rich but we are ok
Try and remain composed if you can. She is an absolute mole for shaving his head but the both of you screaming at each other is achieving nothing and not nice for the kids to see. Can you ask to sit down with her alone in a mutual place and see if you can hash it out? Only if you think there’s a chance and it’s safe too of course.