I was a working single mum, no CSA. Made ends meet but also switched the lights off when not in use, packed lunches, collected vouchers for pizza nights and made pumpkin soup or tuna bake when there were very little funds to spend. Some night were even cereal or plain toast. I’m sure many of you get what I’m saying.
Recently became a blended family and my partner wastes so much money. He contributes to our household budget but lives in the moment and doesn’t save a cent and pay for anything extra. He has a tonne of debts and would rather spend what he has than reduce the debts. He makes just the min repayments. Half his wage goes to his personal spending account just to waste on whatever he wants every week. Yet I pay for dinners, movies and any extras because his money is spent so quickly. I’m lucky to end up with $50 per week into my personal spending account. We earn about the same amount. I do use my pay to fund my own children’s activities, private school fees, family car repayments and I am also trying so hard to save for a house deposit. He isn’t. I grew up earning every cent I was given and knowing that money doesn’t grow on trees and he lived a life of luxuries. He even asked his parents for money recently when he couldn’t pay rego. Do I have to just accept this is the way it is? That we just spend our spare money in different ways? He’s a packet a day smoker, so there’s a couple of hundred gone straight away every week. Sometimes I wish he’d at least take me out for dinner or pay an extra hundred or two off his debts. I’m feeling frustrated and worried you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. Future holidays or house deposits together don’t seem possible.
Wasting Money - Why does he waste so much?
Wasting Money - Why does he waste so much?
Posted in:
Money
11 Replies
Because that’s who he is.
I’m sorry to say that he and your goals and lifestyles don’t align when it comes to money. He may be able to change, but probably won’t.
Honestly, as a single parent, this is not someone I could live. I literally broke up with a guy (before moving in) because our ideas on money were grossly different and I would have been an anxious mess worrying about the gas bill while he decided to drop a couple of hundred on a luxury item.
It’s not a nice way to live, you end up having to fiscally responsible in extreme ways to make up to counteract there irresponsible behaviour.
I have to ask, didn’t you discuss your money habits before moving in?
The first 30 years of my life I never had spare money, always struggled to pay bills, could never take my kids anywhere fun. Then I became a single mum and honestly it was the best financially I had ever been. I was working full time although I didn't get child support he also took all the debt with him so I didn't care. Then I just started spending like no tomorrow, took kids out every week to somewhere we had never been, went on road trips, little holidays, started eating at restaurants. Now if I don't have money to spend I get really depressed, it reminds me of being a teenager and having one set of clothes that fit me, or being a young mum scrounging through the car for enough change to buy a loaf of bread. I hate having no money or being restricted with money. I have a partner now and we keep our money separate which works for us. He is a lot better off than me but that's OK, we still pay our fair share of everything and he does help me out if anything pops up unexpectedly. Just giving another view of the wasteful spender not all of us come from spoiled backgrounds.
I’m your partner - money is thrown around and I grew up in a life of luxury. I just cannot shake it and quite frankly, I’m very happy :) money buys me happiness.
Although, I have absolutely no debts and am well ahead on all my bills. Everything is in credit and my mortgage is only 40% LVR and will be paid off within 5 years.
Some people are happy spending their finances and not having savings :)
This is big, it’s a deal breaker.
You’re old enough to discuss money and observe his spending habits before taking the plunge of moving in together.
I mean, why do it?
When we are young, we don’t consider it, but as a mum, who’s been through a break up (like me),a surely this is something you considered.
Break up, you’re incompatible, you could also lose your good credit rating and end up in big debt,
Im just reading this and wondering who is actually making the worse financial decision. The one who is clearly hopeless or the one who seems to have their head screwed on yet is pouring it all into the hopeless one.
Yep, she is supporting his poor decisions at the expense of her kids and herself.
So keeping the relationship is costing you financially. Then add in the risk of what you can lose in debt and future opportunities. Being in a dire financial situation is not something I would play around with, he might be gone but it can take you years of hardship to recover.
Google 'money personalities'. When you understand how different personalities view money you'll see why people are different & hopefully how you can work together to achieve goals while still being yourselves. You'll also start hearing & seeing different traits in everyone!
It is frustrating to have your long term goals not agreed by your partner. Both lifestyles are valid, but a secure future is too!
You lived without him before you can do it again. This guy isn’t going to change and you are enabling him. Do you want to live the rest of your life resenting him because he’s putting a financial strain on your relationship. His debts will become your debts and don’t be surprised that if you become defacto split and end up having to do a financial settlement and end up with part of his debts. You are enabling him by buying his dinners when you go out etc he’s not going to change unless he wants to change.
Move him out until he gets a handle on things and pays his debts off. Tell him he can come back and live with you once he’s got a handle on them and is more responsible with money. Once you buy a house it will only get worse!!
Look, I know the ship has already sailed but surely you had an idea of what his financial situation was and what his spending habits were like before you moved in together.
Did you just go into this hoping he'd change or did you naively go into this blind?
When you're a single full time parent who has worked so hard for financial independence, it's reckless moving in with a new partner until you're sure you're both compatible on every level.
Financial compatibility is the first thing I'd want to discuss but for some reason it's a conversation so many people avoid having because it's slightly awkward.
You're at the point now where your only option is damage control mode before all your hard work comes undone.
Unless your partner makes a whole lot of changes which truthfully don't sound like ones he'd be willing to make - you really don't have any kind of positive growth and future with this guy.
I'm sorry if that comes across as harsh but that's the reality.
If he doesn't have the money to go to the movies or out for dinner he doesn't go to the movies or out to dinner. It's not that he can't, it's not a priority.