Hi IMs
I'm looking for advice and stories of people in the same predicament..
sorry for the long post!
When I become pregnant the babies father was really excited and wanted to play happy families but the more I began to show the less interested he got. fast forward to bub actually being here we had to stay in hospital for monitoring for a few days and he didn't arrive at the hospital till 10, 11 o'clock. Once we got bub home he would generally only play with or hold him for 10 mins then put him down and get on his phone. He would finish work in the afternoons but wouldn't get home till 7 stay outside on his phone have a shower and go to bed. I would express for him to feed bub and he'd refuse and tell me to do it wouldn't get up during the night unless I yelled and never once took him on the weekend so I could have a sleep in. When bub was 3 months old he stopped sleeping in the same bed saying he didn't want to accidentally roll on him but I never put him in the middle for that reason.. Now his telling people I wouldn't let him in the bed.
I would ask him to move out so we could have some space and sort things out he would laugh at me or tell me it wasn't my house so I couldn't make him leave. We lived with my parents and was trying not to involve them. Finally after 7 months my dad moved him out literally.. After he moved out he didn't really have anything to do with bub unless he felt like it or was bored he would run me down to family and friends which wouldn't worry me as far as I was concerned I was doing what was right for me and the baby.. since then I started seeing someone who is great with bub and wants to be in his life. Now the father is demanding him every weekend I put my foot down and said every second weekend. He usually picks him up late his more than welcome to see him during the week but we hardly hear from him unless I take him over there or his got nothing planned and asks to see him that day. He drives me crazy and is trying to win me back and always seems more interested in me than his child..
Acts like a child when he doesn't get his own way and wants him over night!
Our child is 1 I feel that is too young to be spending the night away from me
Has anyone else had these same problems
Its so stressful and being so young I'm loosing my mind!! I feel like I'm working my life around the off chance he might want to see his child!!
Any kind of advice would be helpful!!
4 Replies
Wow, you are me!! He's clearly had his nose put out of joint with the thought of someone else being with you... (Really pleased to hear that btw!!) let him spend time with bub, not overnight until you're comfortable with it... Once you collect bub, tell ex how fantastic your day was as a couple, how romantic it is without a lo there, and how you're so happy that he now wants to help... He'll stop wanting bub... Or, get him a girlfriend... That'll stop it too... If he's genuinely interested in bub, it won't stop, but from the sounds of it, he's just like my ex... Good luck...
Go through mediation. My babies father was like this. Make sure you take him through the proper channels (mediation). I found when I kept things very business like that stopped the games. Don't have friendly chats with him, keep it about the baby.
Best thing to do is get everything written up legally, once you've done that you've created your buffer and he can't keep demanding
By leaving it and living to his demands your creating a monster!
If your relationship with the dad is over start living your life and not his
Everyone needs boundaries including him.
Trust me it will only get worse
The hardest part will be you letting go also...chances are he will be allowed to have your child overnight, but after a while it will get easier
Good luck x
Hun,
You're in for a hard battle.
Mine left when no1 was 1 & no2 on way.
I'm in a nasty court process. Nasty.
FYI, first court session judge ordered time 7 days each fortnight (kids 20mths & 5mths).
Google jennifer mcintosh and parenting arrangments for under 4.
Basically once a fortnight is not enough to establish a bond with child.
Yes, it sucks. As the residential parent you really need to do everything and be on beck and call for when he wants access.
My ex has "ordered time" bit because this interfers with his life, he doesn't take it up. I'm yet to see how it will pan out at trial.
The family court is not a nice place. Do mediation (my ex refused) - ours offered a child consultant to help you arrange a plan which best suited the kids.