I'm in love with another man.
He's married, I'm married. We've been having an affair for about 5 years off and on, more off than on as I get the guilts then can't be around him for a while, which he just accepts and carries on. We pick up where we left off every time. It's been a year and a half since I last saw him, I called it off again after declaring my husband was more important. I've recently been in touch with him again after texting him I missed him and our chats. He's moving back home to the islands very soon as the bubble has opened back up. I want to see him to say goodbye as I'll never see him again. I knew this was coming but it was always years away, now it's weeks. He says not to see him as he doesn't know how he'll be in my presence, but I really want to say goodbye, what should I do, I'm not asking to start anything up I just know ill regret not seeing him off in person. Reading this back it seems obvious, leave him be, but I've been in tears the last 2 days knowing that I'll never see him again.
In love with another man
In love with another man
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage
30 Replies
I feel really hurt for your husband and his wife right now. So bloody selfish. You have waisted your partners entire relationship with you when he could have been with some one all this time, who loved him. What you have done will pull apart 2 families. Screw your feelings, you deserve nothing.
I’m not sure you’ll receive much sympathy here.
This guy doesnt seem to give two shits about you. Hell fuck you when you call, be fine when when you dont. He doesn't want to deal with a good bye as hes not emotional. Meanwhile youve absolutely destroyed the man you married.
My thoughts too. He plays you but doesn't actually care. You're a side piece.
They're as bad as each other. Feel sorry for their respective spouses.
Only people I feel for are your husband and the other guy's wife and all the people you have both hurt.
If you don't love your husband, then leave!! Give you and him a chance to be happy.
Sorry but not much sympathy here. Whatever you decide to do is irrelevant. You have both screwed over your own families.
Is it him you're going to miss or the thrill of seeing someone behind your husbands back? You have gone a long time without seeing him but you're only upset now that the chance to get it on with him in the future is gone. If you missed him you would have been crying 18 months ago. The real issue here is your marriage and why you felt you had to stray.
Wow, what a selfish person you are. Me me me me me. How about you acknowledge your poor husband in this situation?
Simply put, he said no.
Your regrets are yours to bear. He said no. You don't get to override that with what you want.
Now for the bit you didn't ask about but what should be your priority. Your husband and family.
It's long past time you started being honest. There will be repercussions. At best you will have a lot of work to do in keeping your family together. At worst you won't get the chance to, which is fair enough because once it's out your husband is no longer under your control. He can choose what he feels is right.
You'll cop a lot. Your actions do deserve that.
There's a difference between being a good person and doing something bad than being a bad person full stop though. Time to do what you know is the right thing and give your husband back his choice.
Cut ties now. You haven’t seen him in more than a year. It was a mistake for you to contact him again. If you have any respect for your husband (which after 5 years I’m thinking you have very little), or even for yourself, put this guy in the past and move on.
I think you should respect his wishes and his boundaries just like he's respected yours for the last 2 years.
You've always seemed to call the shots in this "relationship," so it's been all about you.
Leave him alone.
Next, you'll message his wife to cause more drama (which I have a feeling you enjoy that, the chase and having two men to play with.)
Work on your marriage, be HONEST with your marriage and if your husband knows, (he probably does, but wants to work things out because he's emotionally tied to you through kids, finances etc) you need to STOP DOING THAT and either let him live his life, see the kids, be amicable like a grown up.
Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised in the least if this was my EX bestfriend of almost 17 years writing this BS.
If it's you, you're manipulative AF and a spolt little girl.
I’m sorry your a dirtbag and so is he. I feel very sorry for your husband and his wife!!!!
A person who can lie to their loved ones for five years, day in day out and act normal, that level of deception is more than just a person with loose morals, I’m thinking narcissist, sociopath etc. She clearly has zero empathy and no conscience.
Nothing we say will penetrate, all she cares about is her toy leaving. She put him on the shelf for 1.5 years and now he dares to desert her, because everything is about her.
To answer your question, ask your husband what you should do.
This is it. Destroys a mans life and wastes it for five years but herself crying for 2 days is whats important.
This exactly what happened with my situation.
When things fell apart, it was everyone elses fault she cheated etc. Or when she was rejected, she'd accuse the other person of se wrong doing or attack their character.
Then she would do anything and everything to get the husband home. I highly suspect that she told her husband it was all my fault and I encouraged her behaviour.
She did myself a favour by throwing me out on the trash heap. I finally knew what it was like to breathe and not worry if she was ok.
In terms of the OP, I'm glad you hit it right on the head.
I think if you both really loved each other you would’ve left your respective spouses by now to start a real life together. Doing it in secret not only invalidates the supposed ‘love’ but just makes you both seem horrible for lying to your real partners for that long.
You’ve coped a lot of hate on here and I’m sorry for that. People are quick to judge your whole life by just a few sentences.
You can love more than one person. We are all human, and regardless of what people say - monogamy is something we created.
I just want you to know that your feelings are validated. I hope you ended up getting the closure you were seeking. Maybe once that’s happened you’ll be able to either focus on your current relationship and determine what you both want from that.
True. She loves the other man and herself. But let's not kid ourselves... She's betrayed her husband and not cared about him.
Yes, you can love more than one person however, she hid and lied about it to her husband. The boyfriend knew she was married and lied to his wife.
If they were all okay with this relationship, it wouldn't be so painful and she wouldn't need that closure.
He doesn't want to see her and isn't obligated to especially when she declared her marriage is more important.
Why would she need closure?
Yes you can love more than one person.
Does polygamy condone lying about who you’re with, what you’re doing, where you’ve been over five years?
Does polygamy allow someone to be in a four person relationship without their consent?
Just curious.
The loving part isn’t the problem, the deceptive behaviour is.
For me cheating, the painful part isn’t your partner having sex with someone else when no one is around, sex can be great, especially with someone new, I get how someone could get caught up in the moment.
It’s the lying to your face that gets me. That’s why a one night stand wouldn’t be the end of the world to me, but someone who has looked me in the eye and sneaked around for five years, texting, calls, sneaking out, that would be the end for me. Imagine the amount of lies should would have told over that time?
I’m sorry for the judgement but I have to ask how do you sleep with someone else then come home and see you husband return exhausted from a Hards day work, give you a kiss and cuddle, play and interact with the kids, have a shower, go to bed etc, how do you sleep at night? What about when he gives you gifts, or does something special for you or even talks to you like you’re his best friend, who he trusts and loves. I don’t understand how you’re not feeling absolutely gutted for your husband. I’d be feeling disgusted and heartbroken that I even allowed myself to be unfaithful to someone I love let alone worrying about seeing this person off. This is so sad.
Jesus Christ. I am sitting here worrying and so concerned about what I am going to do cause iv been coping abuse for years and now he is doing it to my 10 year old. But then I read this shit. Grow up. Focus on your husband .
Sometimes, there will people who tug at your heartstrings....forever, even though your paths are not meant to match up. It's sad and its beautiful, but it is what it is and there is nothing to be done. Let it go and water the grass where it needs to be tended, and you will realise everything happens for a reason. But let it go.
Oh poor didums,
Coming from a person who has had this happen to them, you are a piece of crap.
my husband and best friend lied to my face and told me nothing was going on, eventually I found out that my instinct was right all along.
You deserve no sympathy whatsoever, I honestly hope that you don't have children and they are involved in your deceit.
Karma will come back to you I hope
If he is fine when you come and go then it means he doesn’t actually care about you. Actions speak louder than words. All your emotional blubbering about loving him is pathetic and embarrassing. I’m really hoping this is a troll post, because I can’t believe that any real person would be so selfish and self-obsessed.
This makes me really sad, unfortunately I am a wife that my husband had been having a affair for 5 years. My advice is- leave your husband, it’s not fair on him that you’ve not given him a chance to decide if he wants it to work. People that cheat are very selfish. How would you feel never seeing your husband again? Would you feel as sad as not seeing this other man again? The grass is green where you water it. Start loving yourself before loving anyone else.
Why not just be with him then.? Break it off with your husband and move forward. Do the right thing by your husband. Start being honest.
I can't stand people that cheat. I absolutely hate it.
If you are good with hurting your husband, leave him! Imagine if he had been cheating on you for the past 5 years.
You need to come clean to your husband and allow him to deal with his feelings.
Yuck.
Wtf is wrong with you. Why would you post this and think that anyone would support you in your selfishness. Grow up.
I hope you feel the hurt as much as your husband will when he finds out his wife is a cheater . The other man does not love you at all .. that’s probably why he’s moving country .. to get away from you. So there’s no point in seeing him off.