My husband and I have been together on and off for 12 years but married 1. Since getting married I have been unhappy. I’m sick of being treated with disrespect and walking on eggshells. I’m tired of constantly having to protect my children and myself from his moods. I’m just tired. But I can’t seem to leave. I’ve been abused and gaslit by this man in so many ways for a long time. I don’t know if it’s worth mentioning but I grew up in a very traumatic and abusive household as well so I guess you could say this is all I know. We have worked on our issues enough (he has actively done the work too) for me to marry him but since getting married, it’s like he thinks he can throw his weight around again. His parents are also heavily involved with our business and he never ever takes my side when it comes to them- things like, please don’t kiss our baby on the mouth. I won’t admit this out loud but I think I want a divorce and to just go and be happy with my babies without feeling like I’m always being watched and consequently told off for not doing things his way. I just want to be happy. But I know I won’t do it, I just don’t know why. I don’t know what holds me here. I love him but I’m not in love. He’s not good for our kids. I just don’t understand why I can’t leave. What is wrong with me?
2 Replies
You need help, support and counselling otherwise your children will also end up damaged and hurt and so the cycle goes.
Because manipulation and gaslighting wears you down over time, it erodes you so slowly its just like the frog in the pot.
Leaving seems so hard its impossible, youre that worn down, nothing seems fun nice or worthwhile. And thats exactly why you have got to break out and do it. Get yourself into a psychologist, they gave me enough mental clarity and support to do it and turn the ship around. Its a lot of work but the longer you leave it the deeper youre slipping and the more work you have to rebuild yourself and your life, to be what you actually want it to be. Dont waste anymore time, its too precious