Trigger warning ⛔️
Hey sisters, this has been playing my mind for months now & I don’t know where to get it out.
When I was between the ages 9-12 (around then I can’t remember exactly) my best friend’s brother ‘felt me up’ often. He would have been under 18 at the time. Ive never given it a title. Molesting, groping without consent, I don’t know. I have never told anyone, I’ve once mentioned it to my partner but really played it down. He used to do it to his sisters too, because of this I have distance myself from them as they continue to have contact with him and are quite close, I believe their mother knows. Seeing them triggers my memory, but my memory of it is very vague.
Only now, 15yrs later am I triggered. The older I get, the more kids I have, I seem to be more triggered. I don’t know how to move past this knowing how wrong it was now that I’m an adult, and a mother.
I’m just curious if anyone has been through this, & been more triggered the older they got?
How did you move past this?
His actions allowed me to lay myself out for every other male I met after that (but with consent) if that makes sense?
Thankfully now my partner is respectful & faithful but even then it comes to the surface.
I don’t know how to react, or if I’m over reacting. It’s just strange it’s playing back now & coming up to the surface.
2 Replies
Same thing happening to me.
My daughter is now the age my uncle was taking advantage.
But.....he lives with my mum.
He was meant to stay for a couple of weeks, it’s been 2 years.
I haven’t visited my mum in that time, COVID and distance also play a part.
I find it insulting that he is there and I can’t just hop on a plane and go see her.
I have booked accomodation for a few weeks time. I am cranky he is there taking advantage of my mum. She has always looked after him, I wish he would go away.
Mum knows what he did, yet still looks after him. (He did it for 6 years)
Now my daughter is my age I am really insulted.
When I was about 12 or 13, I was was laying on the couch.
The son of my dad's girlfriend who was a year or two older than me climbed on top of me and dry humped me until he finished.
At the time, I think I was too young to even comprehend what had happened. I definitely didn't process it properly, I do distinctly remember having feelings of shame about it though. I think that's what made me decide not to tell anyone and push that memory to the back of my mind.
I didn't really think about it at all up until the last few years. The rise of the Me Too movement and my own daughters approaching the age i was really bought up some feelings of overwhelming anger. It probably did have an impact on what I tolerated from men also.
I think you've just got to let yourself feel the feelings, some trauma counselling is probably also a good idea if it's really bothering you.