Has anyone had their current partner (soon to be husband) adopt their child? Bit of backstory, bio father washed his hands of the child over 5 years ago and just stopped showing up and the child has called new partner Dad ever since. Child is getting worried about not having the same last name as the rest of the family (we have other children together) and has asked quite a few times for Dad to adopt them. Does anyone have any advice or been through the same thing? Not sure that bio father will agree to it either but we think adoption would be the best option for all of us.
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I don't think its a good idea, it really doesn't change anything except your partner will have to pay cs and get part of his assets when he dies if you are out if the picture. Not being cold just being truthful. Its a massive step to make considering he can't have been in his life very long, 5 years ago and hes since split with her and started a relationship with you long enough to be nearly married. Will your partner even be in his life in another 5 years? The child sounds like he may have abandonment issues. You can treat him like your own child without adopting.
Looked into it (I’m in Qld) and was advised against it if I couldn’t guarantee the father would agree (he’s the kind of ass that would have fought and then still wanted no contact).
Cost was kinda high; even an ‘easy’ case was estimated at around the $20,000. Needed assessments done via department of community covering criminal history, domestic violence, traffic and child protection history checks, home visits, getting information about your health. The assessment part was under $1,000.
We were told less than 1% of step parent adoption is approved and in most causes a parenting order is more suited.
We ended up just legally changing my children’s last names so we all had the same last name but even my ex fought that 🙄 we were able to change their last names without his permission in the end due to the type of court orders that I had at the time 😉
I'm also in Qld and it's rather disheartening that less than 1% of cases are approved! I do appreciate your reply :) thanks - OP.
This was back in 2010 times have changed but I doubt in the grand scheme of things much regarding this has.
We saw a specialist in the field in Brisbane. They said that very few go though because in most cases the other biological parent puts up a huge fight and it costs a lot of money then in legal fees. In all honest a smart bio parent that just wants to be an ass (like my ex) would find any legal avenue to drag it out as long as he could. If they fight there is generally no grounds for the court to remove their parental rights and responsibilities anyway. And in many cases it’s far better to just put a parenting order in place that names the step parent/father the legal guardian of the child/ren in the event the biological mother passed away and the biological father has minimal/none/periodically contact.
My kids were 7 and 10 at the time. My husband and I had been married for over 4 years, the biological father hadn’t seen or had contact with them for ages, let’s just say my son was less 1 and my daughter about 3 when they last saw biological father ...still despite this we were advised not to attempt a step parent adoption because when we asked permission to change the kids names he wrote back saying he doesn’t consent to changing ‘our’ kids names and he’d fight in court.
In the end we got to change the kids names to my husbands as back then we were legally able to as I had sole parental responsibility over the kids.
You’re not able to use this anymore to change a child name and your court orders have to legally allow you the right to do so. We got lucky I suppose.
Kids are now 17 and almost 21, my husband and I separated 6 years after looking at applying for step parent adoption, guess what though my kids still use his name, still call him dad, still see him, still love him.
A step parent adoption would never have stopped any of this from happening. We were still a family. We still loved each other. We still mattered.
And as for their biological father.... well he’s still no contact and neither of my kids want to meet him because as they said ‘we have a dad’.
Have you looked into the rules around letting him use the same name as everyone else?
My nephew hasn’t legally changed his name (from his dads) but uses my sisters maiden name. It’s on all his school documents etc that he goes by that name.
He has decided (for now) that he will legally change his name when he’s 18. But for now, the legal fight isn’t worth it, and he understands that.
I have to say the reasoning would be because its legally changing their parent and family, which is huge, and will have huge implications for them if youre not around anymore and if you break up, and I'm sure they've seen it plenty of times that once those things happen then whats legally binding isn't actually what anyone wants.
I think the best option is to explain to that child that he has a dad (shit as he is) thats his story and its important for him to know it. He also has a dad figure in step dad which is really special for being what it is as well.
My husband adopted my son at 6 months old. The bio father was not on the b/cert and wanted nothing to do with our child. If your son's dad is on his b/cert you will need his permission. Really strange tho that a child would be concerned about themselves having a different last name unless you've been making it an issue around them.
I find it equally strange the moment dad left, he started calling mums boyfriend dad. I wonder how long they had even been together?
I think the only time it makes sense is in this situation, where bio Dad has never been in the picture. I have always hated seeing these posts of older kids calling step parents mum or dad and insisting on name changes, kids dont call for that. I have 2 kids who haven't seen their Dad much at all in 6 years and have his surname, never has it come up for that to change. We have three different surnames in our house and its never been an issue. It is usually the parents that have an issue with it not the kids.
We just changed my daughters surname.
You’ll need to seek permission from her biological father.
If he says no, or you’re unable to find him to ask, you’re able to get permission through the court system