A little background. I was a very young mum to my amazing son. When he was 4 I met my husband and we had a daughter together. We tried for a couple of years to have more children because I desperately wanted more kids. Things turned extremely sour between with my husband and we separated after 8 years with no more children and I moved back with my parents. We are now divorced.
So after a little while I met my beautiful man. I had just turned 30. After about 3 months we were madly in love and still are. He finally met my kids and adored them. He talked about marriage and him wanting a truck load of kids. After a year we talked about moving in together. We also talked about when we would look at getting engaged and having more kids. He told me the 2 year mark we would get engaged and he still wants to have kids together. Mind you I am now 31 and feeling like a ticking bomb.
So we moved in together and things have been amazing. He is an amazing step dad and partner. So the 2 year mark has come and gone. No proposal and no kids. I raised the issue with him and he now says that he will one day ask me to marry him, just not sure when and he no longer wants any kids, except for my two. I am now 32, I desperately have wanted more kids since I was 24 and have been lucking out.
Now I have this amazing guy and no prospect of marriage or children. I feel like he just said that stuff to get me and now he is changing his tune and I am the one left thinking, is this ever going to happen or am I just wasting my time. Why say those things if you aren't going to follow through. I am feeling ripped off.
Am I being ridiculous? I need advise or similar stories.
6 Replies
Hmmm i wonder if living a family life has changed his perspective. Maybe he doesnt see the need for a wedding if youre already a family now, maybe 2 kids is harder than he thought in reality, maybe he is truly very happy & complete with everything hes got. It sounds like, apart from a baby, he's stepped up & you are very happy with life with him. Maybe you need to talk to him about how he feels about those things now, its ok if he feels differently. Its also ok for you to let him know if a wedding is important to you, or to be married, & wanting another baby. Update your goals together & get back on the same page. Good luck! X
I was thinking the same thing.
Same happened to me he said 2 years and yet now says he wants a house etc first before marriage. I believe they say this to suck us in in a way
He wants to buy a house with you honey.... to me that screams long term commitment. I think we as woman put so much emphasis on marriage and the guys don't see it as important.... have you expressed you want a big wedding? Maybe his worried about the cost of the wedding and wants the house first. I'm married so I can't say I know how you feel, but I do know that my husband worked his but off so we could get our first house, that security in providing for me and any kids to come along was a priority for him. He still works his butt of and makes the kids and I his main priority. Talk to him about how you feel, compromise... and most of all good luck.
I agree buying a house is a long term commitment. I think as women we need to reassess what it is we are really looking for. Are we looking for long term commitments or a wedding? Now I know not everyone wants a big wedding but I think men think we do and I think some guys would be more into getting married if we let go of the big wedding so it's a conversation worth having.
People change their minds. It's time to decide what's really important. A guy you love who loves you and your kids or a mythical guy you may or may not meet and a child that you may or may not get anyway? There are a lot of reasons why people don't get the number if children they were planning on (medical, financial, no partner etc) and they find a way to come to terms with that and be very happy (I'm one of them). Personally I'd be really happy with what I have.