So im just another woman whos husband was caught messaging another woman. His mates cousin to be exact. They met at a wedding I couldn't attend as kids weren't invited. We have a son. One on the way.
He came back and kept mentioning her which pricked my ears. Weeks later i found quite by accident messages between them on his phone. we were with mates swimming and his phone kept blowing up, he said it was his male friend. I pickes phone up when he was in the water to silence it and saw her name. Hed been deleting coversation as he went and all the usual . But what i saw was flirting, her sending footage of her legs dancing on her "new rug" to which he said "love your legs" etc bla bla. Exchanging similarities and interests, her saying she bought him an op shop find etc
He promised to cut it but then continued to text till i caught that out too. Hed saved her under a blokes name. Had her on IG, had been snap chatting. You name it. Had her on all platforms.
Obviously my trust is gone.
He now leaves his phone at home when he pops out etc to prove it's stopped. But i had to intervene heavily for this to happen. Neither one stopped without a fight from me. She could have cared less when confronted. Shes married as well. Which just sucks.
Now we are months off having another child I am saltier than ever. Despite this being last year. Anyone in a similar situation that has resolved this somehow? I'm literally always furious at him and dont respect him at all.
11 Replies
Well you can force him to act right but is that a guy and relationship you really want? Id rather give him all the freedom and if he treats it like crap, show him the door. Dude should be out already. Whats he even doing picking up at a function?!
If you have to go to these measures to make sure they don't cheat then he's not worth having around. It's like babysitting an adult. You won't get the trust back.
How much fun will it be for you, being the phone police for the rest of your life?
Being the boundary enforcer? Being the umpire for everytime he steps over the line without the extra eyes of a video ref?
Is this what your future dreams looked like? Is this the woman you want your kids to remember you being?
Only you know if he's smart enough to learn the lesson here. If so, great.
If not, you've got a hard decision to make, refer back to the first paragraph - is this what your forever looks like?
Edit..
Oh, and your not "just" anything of the sort.
He's just another fuckwit douche canoe that doesn't appreciate what's right under his nose. Feel free to tell him I said so.
THIS !!!
Women supporting women. Tell him I said so too !
I’d contact that woman and meet up for a good chat.
My ex husband would leave his phone behind too... but that was because he got a second secret phone to cover his arse
Hard no from me, wouldn’t be putting up with it. You gave him a chance, he continued the behaviour and being a dick- that’s the point I would’ve walked. But you gave him another chance and he was still being difficult about stopping the behaviour?! I mean I wouldn’t be able to rebuild that trust a third time.
Hhmmm...its no from me..it shouldn't be a fight to stop your husbsnd messaging other wemon😓 I would be wondering if he had a second phone to be honest...so sorry as this just sucks💙 everyone deserves better than this!
I went poly in this situation he now wants to be monogamous again but I think I will stay poly for a while
First off I want to say I am so sorry that you are going through this, especially at such a momentous and special time as bringing a new baby into the world. ♥️ I know how hard it is and I know how you are feeling. I have read through your initial question and the comments both here and on facebook. I remember when I posted on here asking for advice when I had just found out my husband of 10 years (together 13 with 4 young children) was having an emotional affair with a coworker for a few months. I was looking for people that had been through it and advice on how to move to try to work past it. I got a lot of the leave comments and some really hard hitting versions that broke me to read. These are all valid and everybody has a right to their opinion and voicing their experience. I guess I came here to go against the grain. I felt so dead inside, broken, black and shattered when I learnt what my husband was doing and having with another woman. We are almost 6 months from dday. I think there is hope for you and your husband to make it through this together. You both need to want it to work and be willing to put in the work because it is hard work. To give you some practical advice, I would say start reading books, websites there are some great resources that give great insight and ideas on what you can do to help you through the hard moments, consider counselling for yourself and together. Listen to podcasts on the topic. Start a journal to write down your thoughts and feelings and to let them out. Start a gratitude journal, this helped me to everyday remember how much I have to be grateful for. Communicate honestly with each other, spend time talking. There will be so much talking but it really does help. Try to do this without fighting, we found we came out of our conversations so much better when we spoke calmly and didn’t get frustrated and angry at each other. Don’t let the bad moments or days make you feel like your not getting anywhere. Slow progress is still progress. Spend quality time together, rediscover the things you love about each other. Play games, go out for dates, be close with other, create intimacy if you both feeling up to it. Be completely honest with each other, tell him how you feel and when your finding it tough, he needs to be honest with you and tell you what you need to know. These things don’t mean it won’t be hard and you won’t struggle but it’s just some things that we have found that have helped us through this process. I just wanted to give you another perspective. But of course, you need to do whatever you feel is right. Wishing you nothing but love through this journey!
I just wanted to say What a beautiful response. 😀