So do you guys think, there is people out there that simply cause trouble in a relationship or generally shit stir just because they can't accept the fact that things are being peaceful an good right now?
Do you think some people can not stand the fact that their relationship is perfect right now so they start on things that are irrelevant just to create an argument?
Have you ever felt the need to be like that because imperfection is what you thrive on rather than being full filled? Having to question your partner Wether they live you (even though you know they do) just to create doubt and unhappiness as well as frustration? Why? And what would make you change your actions? Constant reassurance?
I'm trying to work out how some people work.
I feel like the person I'm with, thrives on imperfections. Things can be perfect and he would start something just when everything is great. I want to know what's the dynamic behind this.... Growing up with an very imperfect upbringing and being used to it? Aren't we all thriving for happiness and peace???
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Yes. My ex was one. You could never be happy with him, hes unhappy with himself and its shit to be around. All of the issues were manufactured and a waste of my time letting him wreck so much of my time. No, it took me a long time to realise, no, everyone is not striving for happiness and peace and love.
Toxic people generally don’t do well with calm environments, they find it boring, they thrive on chaos and drama. The last thing they want is peace and harmony.
That's when you know it's over. Can you be with someone you can never be happy with?
Fear of abandonment also often presents with those "pushing away" behaviours. It's a defence mechanism, not a good one of course.
I am that person and realised it a little to late when ex finally moved on and I worked out I had everything in front of me I ever wanted the partner child job money friends and I blamed him for so long until I broke and one day clicked it was my issues even though I’m aware of the behaviours and on therapy and meds I still can’t seem to change them. Not from lack of wanting. Now it’s trying to rebuild and start new but all I know and that feels safe is my old behaviours
Sending love! It’s hard so hard break old habits XX
I’m not sure people purposefully do it. Or that they are aware they are doing it.
I think it often represents the things they feel they can’t say. So get irritated over smaller issues. I also believe it can be when your not happy in oneself or really stressed/depressed.
My FIL is this person. If we are going through something he is fine, if we are cruising along he will sabotage his relationship with hubby. Hubby’s dad had a great life with hubby’s mum, he ruined it. He has an amazing new wife, he is on a collision course for this marriage.
He stayed with us for 6 weeks, he basically blew up because everyone was happy.
I think people who do this fit into one of two categories.
Some people are subconsciously self destructive, they don't want to live this way but because of whatever unresloved issue they're dealing with (often childhood issues, trauma, bad past relationships, mental health issues just to name a few), they can't seem to break out of this cycle.
Other people just thrive off drama in a borderline sociopathic way, they get some kind of sick satisfaction out of all the unrest and dysfunction problems cause. They are the type of people who create a shitstorm of chaos wherever they go!
My MIL is the latter type of person, from my experience, they only way to get some peace when you have a person like that in your life is to remove them from it.