Why do parents constantly criticize each other? Everywhere I look there is a parent criticizing another. This evening while at a work social event an ex colleague who is on maternity leave announced she has decided to resign as she doesn't want to put her child in daycare, she wants to raise her child herself and not have daycare raise her child. She said this knowing that I was listening to the conversation and knowing that I have my son in daycare two days a week so I can work. I am now sitting here feeling like a terrible mother wondering if I am raising my child properly. It is only two days a week, I don't see the harm. Why must we critisize each other? Why can we not accept that we are all different? We have all different needs and are all battling in our own way. Why judge? Why hurt each other?
13 Replies
Because she feels insecure about her decision or guilty because she thinks deep down inside she should go back to work. When someone judges it usually has very little to none to do with the person who is being judged and is all about the insecurities of the person who is judging.
I work different hours each week one week I could work 1 day the next up to 6 days. I get critisied for putting my 4 yr old in day car two days a week. But he was born later in the yr so he can't start school till next yr and he really needed to get out of the house. My youngest while Iam at work is looked after by hubby who works nites and I get critisied a lot by my customers ( work in sales) that Iam at work while hubby is at home watching kids. I have recently come to the realisation that your never going to please everyone, I say if putting ur child in day care so you can work and earn money for your family and that works for your situation then f**k the haters your doing whats best for your family.
Oh you poor thing. Why do people believe men are incapable of looking after their own children?
Oh that look of surprise/ horror at you for putting it on him, & asking 'is he ok? ' what do you mean is he ok? I didn't beat him, or run off to join the circus, I'm at work for a few hours & he's just at home with his kid???!!!
Oh yes I love that look of horror and then I get questions like can he handle it and are the kids safe with him my comment to them is well his their dad and if took the time to make them then he can take the time to look after them. They just usually roll their eyes or walk away. I feel like reeling them well it is 2014 not the 1950's
I don't think she criticised you at all. She was talking about her own suitation. It's you who has taken it on board as criticisim.!
Maybe because I am tired of constantly being given judged for going to work and "abandoning" my son by people who can financially afford to stay at home. I am tired of being made to feel like a bad mother for trying to provide for my son.
I had just finished saying that it's hard for me to leave my child at daycare while I go to work and that was the response I received.
I'm a sahm and I'm constantly judged from working mums that I don't financially contribute to my family, I'm lazy for not working, how bored I must be and the list goes on. You are not alone! We all do what we have to do or think is best. Don't give it a second thought!
I think when she added 'I didn't have a kid for daycare to raise' thats a kick to anyone who has their child in daycare. But I also agree you have to write it off as her expressing her decision making for her own child & not read anything deeper into it about yourself or whatever you're choosing to do. It is possible to have a strong opinion on something for your own parenting style, but that doesn't mean I care / judge what anyone else is doing.
Hun I don't think she meant it as an attack on you. If we kept our opinions to ourselves for fear of offending someone, we could never talk about parenting! And things like that usually come out without the person realising how offensively it could be taken. Just last week, my son's kinder teacher asked if I would be enrolling my baby in their daycare program when I return to work, and without any thought I replied "no my husband and I don't use daycare. We just arrange our shifts so that one of us is always home with them" looking back, that could easily be taken the wrong way. She probably thought I was one of those stuck up, I'm so perfect I don't have to work parents. In reality, (when my parental leave ends), my husband and I won't see each other or get much sleep. He will work full time while I work nighttimes, and there is about 30 minutes between one arriving home and the other leaving. Financially, we need to both work, and emotionally we strongly feel the need to 'raise our children ourselves'. Yes, there is nothing wrong with daycare, the daycare kids, or parents who do use daycare. It's just not for us. So we work our bottoms off to keep to that. So when we say we don't use daycare its because we're proud of the hard work we've done to parent our kids, and forget that in this we could easily offend others!
I actually think she did purposely mean it as an attack on you and anyone else for that matter. Its all well and good to have strong opinions on the way you raise your children but it doesn't mean you have to voice every single one of them. Everyone raises their children differently and that's because everyone's lives are different. Ive had a friend say to me that my daughter probably had huge tantrums with me as punishment for putting her in daycare 2 days a week. Nice friend eh? She didn't need to say that to me,did she? Good for your colleague being able to stay at home but next time just rise above her jealous digs and walk away.
I was a child care worker and never put my kids in care.
I do not for one second think the parents who put their kids in care are neglectful or bad parents.
You do what suits your family and you do what you need to do in the best interests of your children and your marriage.
There is nothing wrong with putting your children in care as long as you are happy with your choice, happy with the people who are looking after your child while they are there and happy with your relationship with your child. Same can be said for sahm's.
Own your choice and don't be put off by others who do it different.
I have had heaps of mums tell me that I should put my children in care and go to work. That doesn't work for my family, so we do what works for us.
I am about to homeschool my 11 year old for 12-24 months because he isn't coping at school. It works for us. Comments have come a-flying on that one, I can tell you.
You are not a bad mother. You are obviously considering what's best for your child and the family as a whole. You've got nothing to be sorry for :-)
I don't think its a criticism. I actually have used that same sentence in reference to my own child and no one else's. And then for several reasons I went back to work earlier than planned. And my son goes to and enjoys day care for 3 days a week. And quite frankly anyone who wants to judge me on any of that can think what they like. They don't live in my house, have my experiences or personality and they are not really important enough to me that I am overly bothered about what they think of me.