I have a 5yr old, 2.5 yr old & newborn. I love them so much but just feel like I’m losing any control (as much as I dislike that word when it comes to kids). I just can’t get them to listen.
I know the bigger two have been majorly displaced & mum constantly has a baby in her arms but I used to be able to reason, ‘let’s have a race’ to pack away etc but I just feel together they laugh at me now. I think they know I have my arms full & can’t easily ‘make’ them. They just have it over me.
If they are hurt or upset I will make a point it safely putting bub down (even if she cries) & giving them a hug. I’ll also make bub wait sometimes if she’s safe but starting to cry & say ‘mummy’s coming but I’m just finishing xx so you’ll need to wait’ just as sometimes they need to wait.
I try to spend quality one on one when I can. No matter how tired or what else needs to be done. We have a list of house rules: In our house we... so they know what is acceptable & what is not. We have a visual morning & afternoon routine (which can be changed depending on the day we have ahead or have had).
What has worked for you with similar aged children? I’m so conflicted with pocket money etc (even if only 20c) as I feel they should just do certain things as they are part of our household, not be bribed. I don’t have any real ‘discipline’ as I feel I lack consistency & worry about shaming them or doing it incorrectly somehow & damaging them. I mostly just remove them from the situation & we talk about it once calm. I am careful not to give empty threats but find myself using ‘we won’t go to the park tomorrow’ etc which is silly because I know we will go. I need to go to socialise & get fresh air & just get out of my house! My 5 yr old always wants YouTube time but I feel like using that as a reward just makes him want it more.
Have you followed something that has worked for you?
Bedtime is also so hard. Dad has bub mostly while I do the other boys. They share a room. I remind them it’s nearly time, books, stars on roof, music, cuddles, chats. But it just takes forever. 2.5 yr old needs touch so wants a back tickle so I have to sit on the floor. If I am firm & sit in the chair he just keeps going & ends up upset which also keeps 5 yr old from going to sleep. I feel like I should give them what they need to feel safe & relaxed but it just goes forever & I’m so buggered sometimes I just crack & get so cranky then afterwards I’m heartbroken that they went to sleep upset & heavy cheated knowing I was cross. I just feel like I can’t win. If I get cross they ask for dad, then we swap until he gets cross or I get angry at him for being cross & upsetting them, even though I do the same....
I don’t know, I’m just lost.
Sometimes I think there is so much parenting information that I just don’t know what is the right way so instead just fumble along with no real structure. I worry about how it will affect them as they get older & how much harder it will be then if we are constantly fighting & repeating & yelling just to get the daily basics done.
I can be such a loving mother but sometimes say awful things to them & just explode, then feel so guilty afterwards. I explain that I overreacted & made a mistake..
I should add that dad only sees them for an hr each night between arriving home from work & bedtime. He has no really authority & often does the ‘mum said it’s time for a bath’ which I always pull him up on, no, it’s just time for a bath. I also don’t want that one hr to always be awful as they don’t see much of him compared to all day with me.
Any helps is much appreciated!
2 Replies
Stop worrying about damaging your children. Don’t let them play you at bed time. Stop swapping. Be firm and serious, and stop making empty threats. Dad can do one night, you can do the other.
The inconsistency is doing more harm than sticking to one discipline and upsetting your kids. It’s okay for them to be upset/angry/think you are the mean parent. That’s part of parenting. If our kids liked us all the time we aren’t doing our job. If your kids cry before bed, that’s ok too. Set the routine, stick to it, discipline where necessary and your kids will be less confused. They will still push back from time to time, because that’s what kids do, but by holding firm you’ll get there in the end.
Be kind to yourself!!! You have a newborn, a 2.5 year old and a 5 year old! Bed time IS a an exhausting marathon with those ages!
Your beating yourself up so much about doing a bad job, when lovely you are not doing a bad job! You are doing the best you can.
You don't need to sit in the bedroom until your toddler falls asleep. And your toddler will not hate you or be damaged if he gets upset/cries before going to sleep. Sometimes creating new routines suck! But consistency is key but the parenting guilt will eat you alive if you let it!