Hi mums!!
I'm a stepmum of two beautiful babies DSD 1yr and DSS 3yr, they are amazing! We are currently trying for our own little one, which is great, all my friends are falling pregnant before us and I'm suffering from servere green eyes... I want our own baby so bad it's clouding my happiness for others! Any advice on overcoming this feeling? It's making me so upset that I'm so jealous!!! Help!!
Pregnancy envy!
Pregnancy envy!
Posted in:
Parenthood Guilt, Pregnancy, Baby & Toddler
8 Replies
No real advice sorry hun. Just wanted to say youre not alone. Whilst I have a little boy im a single mum and I have health issues, I long for more kids, I long for the pregnancy, I long for a daughter....so every time I hear someone is pregnant I get really upset knowing I most likely wont be able too have another. (Ivf or adopting isn't an option) so its hard. I find it hard to accept even though I adore my son. I want to give him a sibling too. Although I did have hewlth issues before and falling pregnant was hard and it got to me, it was stressing me out...it wasnt until I let go and stopped worrying that I actually fell pregnant. Make love, enjoy it, have fun time together...dont think of it as baby making! Hope that I helps.
I felt the same when we were trying for our second, all my friends got pregnant without even trying, but I was already pregnant and didnt know ;) don't give up it will happen and it will be great having friends with bubs around the same age :))
No advice from me either, just wanted to let you know that you are not alone in your wanting a child and your jealousy when friends get pregnant. I am a single mum of 1 gorgeous daughter, but I wasn't another child so bad it hurts. My jealousy and envy are so out of control at the moment because my sibling is about to have yet another child, number 5, which apparently was an accident!? Whilst my siblings relationship with their partner is not exactly a place to bring another child into, they keep having more and more and I cannot stop the anger and hurt I feel. Sweets, all I can say for you, is that although you feel horrible with your jealousy, it is natural. As for baby making, well, that is just it, don't have sex to make a baby, make love to feel that connection with your partner. Enjoy the love between you and the physical side that it produces. Maybe putting no pressure on it might work. Xxx
I am one of those people you would envy :( I started trying and within a month I was pregnant. NOT GLOATING AT ALL, but prior to being pregnant I would envy all my friends who had children and getting pregnant. I was super jealous of my best friend who had been with her partner less time than I had been with mine, in a year she had gotten engaged, pregnant, married and had her baby. All while I was with my partner and wanted a baby since I was 12. My jealousy caused unneeded stress on our friendship and once I got over being silly and focused on being happy for her everything was ok.
I believe because I wanted a baby for so long and had been ready for so long that it was fate that I got pregnant straight away, I had been with my partner for 4 and half years we were about to get married, and had our own house, we were more than prepared. Now I am 23 weeks pregnant, married to the love of my life AND already have everything for baby.
I am no way saying that you are not ready at all, I am just saying that sometimes if you channel your baby wanting energy into something else, like researching about preparation or good bargains on baby items it'll distract you long enough. (because of all my bargain hunting before trying, as soon as we were pregnant I got nearly everything for cheap or reasonable prices on classifieds sites or friends or simply op shops, I am a student so I don't have much money and its surprising how much good quality stuff is donated)
I did the aforementioned things, my husband would constantly be looking at my screen and see me looking up baby things or researching how to fall pregnant (even though we weren't trying) I also took it upon myself to help out my pregnant friend with house chores or going to the shops (she doesn't drive) which I was involved with her pregnancy that it took my urge off. But believe me sometimes Id be angry and cry at home and wish it was me. Good luck to those who are still trying I send my baby dust out to you
Yes i know how you feel going on 3 years now.... friends have had #2 and #3 kids while We've been trying!! I would never begrudge someone they joy of falling pregnant, but it's definately hard to not be jealous when EVERYONE else can get knocked up except me! People actually say they're scared to tell me they're pregnant for fear of upsetting me, which makes me feel even worse. I have actually stepped back from friendships when it gets too much. If they're true friends they'll understand your pain, and give you some space. I'd like to say it goes away, but I'd be lying, it always hurts. The jealousy does get easier to swallow though, easier to deal with.
I think this is such a common feeling- don't feel bad! I miscarried my first pregnancy, and then so many of my work colleagues and friends started falling pregnant. There was an epidemic! One of my very best friends then fell pregnant and at first it was difficult but you just need to try and tap into their positivity, and remember that this is the happiest of times for them. You never know when things will happen for you- 2 months later I too fell pregnant and now my friend and I have children who are only 2 weeks apart and little besties! Things happen for a reason- as hard as that can be to remember at times! But your time will come :) All the best!
I am a young 23yo mother and wife. I had my first child when I was 19 and during the pregnancy did nothing wrong, everything was going fine until I found out towards the end he was bum first and I started to get contractions early. I really wanted a natural birth but he was born early by caesarian. He slept all the time and wouldn't feed for me or latch on. I really wanted to breastfeed. We found out he was born with a rare genetic disorder called Prader Willi Syndrome. It has been a real struggle getting him where he is today but we love him just the same. We have been trying for a baby for over 2 years and only just recently found out that I am pregnant. I was envious of people for many reasons, for having full functioning children, natural births, breastfeeding, falling pregnant. What really helped me was even though we still took steps toward getting pregnant, tracking cycles and blood tests etc, I did what I could to take my mind off things. I did secondary schooling in a subject I love, i did volunteer work and many other hobbies I enjoy. I think happiness plays an important part. And I believe things happen for a reason in their own time.
I know how you feel, I went through it for two years before falling pregnant myself. I got more and more upset with every new friend that we heard was pregnant, and I even started to stress that certain close friends and family would fall pregnant before me...I can remember saying to my husband that if my sister announced she was pregnant I would not be able to bear it and would find it difficult to hide what I was feeling. As it happened, she fell pregnant soon after me, which was lovely!
My advice for coping with the feeling (very difficult to overcome) would be to constantly think of all the good things that you do have now - for me it was a great husband, opportunity to travel, a team sport that I really enjoyed (and have not played since I had my child!). And as others have said, I do believe that things happen for a reason, in the 2 years that we were trying for a child both my husband and I had opportunities in work and study that would not have happened if I'd fallen pregnant straight away. Good luck to you.