Warning maybe to much for some
Hello Ladies . Porn issue
I have been with my current partner for 19 years with 2 children aged 13 and 17
A couple of months ago my partner went out with his friends ,
I had a taxi driver knock at my door
To let me know he needed help to get my husband out of the car .
He was a mess . After all that I grabbed his phone from the taxi and tried to call his friends to ask why he was in such a state at 4 am ,
On his phone call log it had all these random numbers ..... as I called them they were taxis and brothels .... male and female brothels
When he woke up I recalled them in front of him and he said it was for his friend
He is single , but I said why would u call on your phone .
His answer was his phone went flat and they did go there but my partner waited in the taxi whilst he went in .......
So he says . Ive not confronted the friend at all . But it only led me to be suspicious.
I searched apps that could monitor phones
Found myspy and purchased and installed.
I feel really wrong and the past 2 months I've observed his every move , from even seeing passwords etc , fb ,insta, messages calls the whole lot .
Now to my disgust I've worked out
He has been paying pornhublive girls by the minute, for 3 years , thousands
For interactive sex , she sees him he sees her and even having conversations via pornhub ( the women in his whole history are brunette etc. Reading the transcripts just makes my heart hurt đđ
I've checked his bank and it has been thousands over the last 3 years .
Just to add
Now he always makes sure our family is looked after financially and totally works hard and always has...but I just don't get it .
Also his pornhub history
I've seen he constantly watches shemale and tranny porn or the girls are always blonde?? Go figure the live ones it aint. That has never come up in our relationship and im in total shock .
I watch his phone and have so many crying moments. I wish I never did cause now im contemplating leaving cause I just feel sick.
He has never called those brothers again so im not sure if he's lying about his friend or maybe it was the truth??.
I can see all his locations and its always work and home , but whilst at home and im busy its porn đ
I've never had a issue with him watching porn in the past , I mean I've even taken him to the strippers and got lap dances etc after 17 years though , we have never had a open relationship or had someone extra
But live interactive, and tranny!! like am I married to someone I dont know
I've been meaning to stop the app , but I just can't.
I lied last week and said I saw on his history shemale porn and he just went super quiet
He won't talk to me about it at all .
I cried for hours and its like he just froze.
I mean 1 day i went to work he watched it for 8 solid hours đ¤
The funny thing is after he has had his shemale intake , he always goes back to female porn , maybe finishes himself off then stops . Weird đ¤đ¤
Please help im so confused and I spose just wondering if I even know him .
Do I delete the app , its like when I see him on it I cry in the bathroom, then try to stop it somehow like call him or say we need to do groceries, I check it like 10 times a day and I think im making myself sick .
If I actually seen him going to the brothel
Or meeting up with someone I would leave asap . But its pretty much porn with people overseas and porn and that still hurts cause it just feels wrong !
Sorry if this is really long xo
20 Replies
Itâs the money and the watching porn at work for me.
I couldnât be with someone who had interactive sex and was âworkingâ but actually watching porn for 8 hours.
Now the biggest issue... you downloaded a spy app!! Thereâs no coming back from that! Youâve broken his trust - and itâs super invasive!! Once youâve got to this level, you donât trust him. And in my opinion... time to leave!
I would be out the door. For a few reasons. Without a second chance.
Firstly the fact you felt the need to spy.. you already sensed something was wrong - you were not trusting what you were hearing.
Secondly - and maybe importantly the interactive sex stuff..
The interactive transcripts i see hurt so much .
And I so know I've overstepped the mark with watching him .
It just all hurts , and I know he would be so hurt knowing what I've done and broken the trust .
But he aint been innocent either u know
Its really hard
At this point... you were right not to trust him so Iâm not sure he has a right to be upset.
Further know your worth! Donât cry another tear. Keep walking upward and onward.. leave him behind
You need to leave. NOT because of him, but because of you. You cannot love someone fully the way you are behaving, you don't trust him and therefore went to such an extent to invade his privacy.
You have done something so wrong and unforgivable in my opinion. You had your answers yet you still continue to spy on him. Why? What are you trying to achieve constantly monitoring him?
My opinion, my hubby can be watching whatever he likes on his phone, have his kinks, pay for only fans.. as long as he is coming home to me, providing for us and being a good father/husband. Doesn't bother me. I probably wouldn't even care if he went to a brothel personally.. but that's just me :) they will give him something in the bedroom I wouldn't.
I've trusted him for the last 18 years ,
Thanks for your advice , I suppose things just didn't add up so much that night I've felt like something more happened .
I know its completely wrong .
I work in the sex industry as a admin and I suppose our sex life wasn't great cause that's all I see at work .
Don't think that I havnt given him many opportunities to explore his sexual needs and have open conversations about it , I just feel maybe he hasn't been completely honest .
Unforgivable is abit harse,
Its not like paying thousands for women to see him is a great thing either so he is overstepping our loyalties to each other .
Maybe he is suspicious of you based on your work and went to a brothel or called around to them to maybe try and suss some things out. To see if you have been doing more than just admin work.
Grab bank statements from where he spent that money, sit down and ask about it. Ask why he has been doing that and then go from there.
Honestly though, it sounds like this relationship is doomed/over. You have both been disrespectful to one another in significant ways and unless you can both confess to one another, it's just toxic.
I don't see any issues with tranny porn though, it's all I watch (tranny, shemale).
Love and trust are absolutely not linked... loving someone doesnât mean they are trustworthy- thatâs an unfair comment.
Spying wasnât prob the way forward but the dirt was there to be found! Her senses were right!
And whatâs right in your marriage isnât right for others. Save your judgement!
Youâre going to hurt yourself more by becoming obsessed with this app and watching what he is doing. It will consume you to the core! But I understand itâs now impossible to delete the app because youâll always now wonder âwhatâs he doingâ you need to have a good chat or try counselling because it seems he too is addicted to porn
Its so hard , it's not the porn for me I've never minded it .
Its the paying for interactive porn
And tranny porn that just breaks my heart .
It is hurting to the core .
I love him so much but I just feel so like wow we have so many open conversations about sex , I mean I work in the sex industry and have done for 11 years , not as a worker but admin reception and I know how it all works
im amazed at the porn he watches and can't believe he pays for that .
Well now what he does hurts you and you cant stay with him happily with or without this spy app, so whats left to do?
Please dont try to even out his behaviour with your spying and lead yourself to staying, lead yourself to the conclusion that its time to stop this. Breaking up hurts. Heartbreak hurts. But to be in a good relationship you have to make the hard decision with your head, not your heart. Your heart will hurt but it will catch up. It wont heal while you're still in it though.
I'm intrigued about how myspy even works. Do tell !
I wish I never found it .
But u can pretty much see everything
From insta fb call logs messages photos videos location its like looking at your own phone . Any letter typed
Will be sent to your phone .
Screen recording so it sends photos of their screen every 5 seconds.
Passwords come out abit different
Example phone lock password is
1234 it will be random like
111222333444
Etc .
Wish I never ever done it tbh
Also intrigued. Is it a free App? Would be good for kids phones
This is slowly killing you from the inside out, step away.
Every day youâre there, you are damaged further.
Good luck, you deserve a peaceful life x
Sorry I am no help but I am sort of in the same boat with the porn. I also found my husband watching male bisexual porn and shemale porn then when confronted he tried to deny it even though the proof was right there. Then he had the nerve to tell me he watches that type of porn because I donât show him any affection which is a load of BS ... this was two years ago ... things have not been the same since then and I keep holding onto hope that things will change but I know in my heart it wonât. I donât think you will ever come back from this and you will always feel the hurt in your heart. You need to do whatâs right for you and your happiness xxx
He is cheating. Watching porn with live people is cheating. What's to stop him from watching it with the girls in your city. Plenty of them are on pornhub. I would walk.
Hmm thats super intense, your head must be spinning.
I'm like you, pretty happy with hubby watching porn, but I'm super clear about boundries
-no interaction whats so ever
-stick to mainstream stuff (so I can be sure none of the actors are trafficked)
-no VR porn
-if porn affects our marriage negatively in any way then we need to readress boundries.
I guess this is all great in hindsight though.
Personally I think anything you would actively hide from your spouse is cheating. If you are deleting history or messages or anything then you are essentially doing something you know would upset your partner, and that's not ok.
I'm not sure I buy his excuse about the brothels, If I were you I would be getting a sexual health check up, explain to your Dr/nurse you suspect your husband may have been intimate with other men ect. It just seems to coincidental that he has these super intense and specific fetishes and he just sat in the car while his mate went in. Are any of his mates openly Bi?
The next step is really up to you, I think if I were you I would sit down for a chat, be super vague, say I put this app on your phone after the night I found your phone had been used to contact brothels, explain you want him to be honest with you, but don't go into detail about what you have found. Calmly give him an opportunity to be honest, this way you may find out more, or he may lie.
It is so intense ,
I mean I've trusted him for many years
Everyone keeps saying it's wrong that I've spied on him and I understand my wrongs I know its wrong .
But I've given him ample times to talk openly with no judgement.
The friend he was with that night is a big time cheater and player that's why he's single but I know from his past it's always been women .
It's just so confusing in my head like
Im trying to actually figure out
What he even likes .....
Never is there transgender history or blondes in his interactive porn
Im kinder just stunned....
Vr porn is another thing he's been watching.
I have no issue with porn
Even if he told me he was
Into transgender I would get my head around it and cope just like I've done for the last how ever many years .
It's the lying and the not being open about it .
I mean if he's had a live porn account for 3 years paying
Obviously I trust him alot to never actually see that
When I called the brothels in front of him
It was like dont call my friend but he used my phone ......
For me he was scared of what I would find out .....
Who knows he may have been there by himself?
I love him with all my heart but this app just makes me believe I can't be with him ....
I mean while im out running the kids around he's just casually watching porn for the arvo .....
Makes me sick tbh .
Thanks for the advice it's helpful x
If it was me I wouldnât be able to accept that and i would finish it. I would be so sickened I couldnât look at him again. He also maybe Bi and you donât know it.