I have been seeing a man for over 12 months. Only a limited number of people are aware of our relationship as he was living separated from his wife but in the same house due to financial reasons until it sold. And he ‘didn’t want the sale price effected by the relationship break down’ which I saw as fair as the funds from the sale would be what he needs for his financial security moving into retirement. I see him several times a week at a minimum. I found out today that he moved out two weeks ago and that the property was sold. Good news I hear you say. Well the thing is I didn’t hear either from him and I have seen him several times since those things happened.
I feel as though I’m a fool who has been waiting for a future he promised that he has no intention of following through with. And I feel used.
Am I just seeing it that way because I’m hurt he didn’t bother to tell me? Can you see it as anything else?
Am I a fool?
Am I a fool?
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage
13 Replies
Yep. See the truth dont convince yourself otherwise.
Have you asked him why he hasn't told you?
Why would the sale price be effected by a relationship breakdown?
Sounds to me like your past year has been believing "excuses" and you're now seeing truths.
It actually can effect the sale price. Generally, when there’s a relationship break down they want the sale over and done with and it can mean there’s a lot of low ball offers (if it’s public knowledge). As a buyer, I always ask why the couple are selling and that’s a bit of an indication of where my offer will stand :)
They held the house for over a year, no rush to sell.
I'd like to say I can't believe people would prey upon others misfortune by using their honesty against them, but I guess I can believe it after all.
At least now I know if someone ever asks why I'm selling to not answer.
Look i also think if the relationship is strained theyll both agree to a lower offer to just get out before it explodes.
I just dont think thats what he was doing. He sounds super cowardly, and perhaps you're just learning what his wife/partner is learning as well. He lacks a spine to just be honest and that leads to you being deceived and hurt.
He's either guarding himself because he's been through the wringer or doesn't want you to think it's full steam ahead relationship-wise.
I find it odd his ex wouldn't know/suspect if they still shared a house & he was gone so often.
Regardless of motivations, I'd be red flagging because of his lack of information sharing. It won't change. Also, I'll say it - any man I've seen engaging in this behaviour isn't after a partner. He's after a housekeeper & bed warmer. Not saying your man is, but I've seen it a lot. A LOT.
He’s not that into you. I wouldn’t call you a fool, I’d call him names. He made you think there was a future, when actually he isn’t interested in including you in his life.
I’d be breaking up.
Exactly this. You settled for excuses and believed them but now there are none youre seeing the truth. Do not buy into extending tricking yourself into staying in this.
Never, ever date a guy newly separated.
Still living in the family home, god no.
It’s not you, it’s him.
He will use you for comfort, you help him through the transition and when he’s feeling better, drop you like a hot potato.
Google rebound, never be one again. Beware of those that monkey branch from one relationship to the next, they aren’t dealing with their baggage, but it always catches up with them.
Oh and you aren’t a fool, you just believed a guy who is all over the place and what he wants probably changes daily x
What’s he say about it? Maybe he wanted 2 weeks living alone just to process the separation and be fresh starting a new life with you. Communication is important and if you can’t discuss why then it’s doomed.
Are you expecting more than him from your relationship. Maybe he wants some space away from being live in attached.
I personally find needy people in relationships off putting and would struggle to move into a new relationship similar to the one I've exited.