My ex-husband has moved on and has a new girlfriend. We have only been seperated for 4 months but haven't finished dividing our house furniture or sold our family home.
He is now doing everything I wanted him to do in our relationship.
I am heartbroken. I don't necessarily want him back but why couldn't he change for me? Is it too early for him to be moving on? Are we screwing up our children beyond repair? Why does it hurt so much? When does it get better/easy?
I've been trying to keep it all amicable and emotionless throughout the process. I have to take on the kids, animals, house and he gets to go and sow his seed, responsibility free.
10 Replies
Rest assured, he wont keep up with it for long. They never do, his true colours will show and he will be the same as what he was with you. Divert your attention to yourself and your kids! Make time for yourself. Treat yourself the way you wanted to be treated by him. Take yourself and the kids or a friend out to dinner. Find all the stuff there is to do near you and do it. Go on a road trip. Have fun, dont sit around and mope for some tosser. Let your kids see you shine and dont let your ex see you be miserable. Use the time to find yourself again.
Argh this is him on his absolute best behaviour with his new toy. His behaviour won’t stay like this and he will be taking her for granted in no time.
It takes ages to get over a break up and yeah it’s not healthy for the kids for him to be moving on this quick but there is nothing you can do about it.
Some men move on very quickly because they want a new maid, cook, nanny and bed warmer. He's on his best behaviour until his new Gf is entrenched in the relationship. Then he'll relax & become lazy again.
Don't see his behaviour as a reflection on you - that relationship is in the past. Look to the future and what you can achieve for you, without him dragging you down. Study, go out, enjoy yourself. Invite new people over. Do things with the kids he didn't want to do. You're free.
She's getting honeymoon period him.
That's not him, you know that better than ANYONE.
Pity him for not having the balls to do a bit of soul searching after your marriage ended. He's destined to a life of the same pattern playing over and over.
Pity her for being the next woman to have to learn the hard way that a man fresh out of a relationship is not a good choice.
But you, be so thankful he's not your clown any more and he's now in someone else's circus.
You've come to realise all that time he COULD have done all the things you wanted him to but he chose not to. That says more than anything what kind of man he is.
Let yourself grieve the end of your dreams but don't grieve over losing him. He's so not worth it.
My husband moved on very quickly. He was an absolute prick to me so I wasn't cut up that he'd moved on, but I was annoyed that his new gf always seemed to come first. I left him due to his behaviour when I was 3mo pregnant. I had complications with the pregnancy that had potentially dramatic outcomes and when I tried to contact him, he ignored me and decided to go to his girlfriends footy training before finding out what was wrong.
I ended up talking to her and within minutes she regurgitated lines I'd said for years that were all part of the abuse. Within minutes I was able to see that it wasn't good and she wasn't being treated right.
He constantly makes social media posts comparing the two of us and absolutely lost his cool when I decided to move on. He STILL has an obsession with trying to interfere with my relationship while showing no interest in his son.
Just remember you don't always see what goes on behind closed doors or inside their heads. Just because he moved on doesn't mean he's happy.
my ex moved on after 1 week. it killed me... never knew the pain and feeling of my heart shattering until that moment.
2 years on and I’m thriving! I started seeing a psychologist 1 year ago, she’s helped me gain the strength I needed to succeed.
I’m now living on my own, I’m happier than I’ve ever been, a new partner who is making me realised how little I settled for in the past, he treats me incredibly, exactly like I want to be treated. most importantly though is that I’ve learnt to love myself.
it does get easier but it will get worse before it does. not always of course, but that’s how I found it to be.
you’ve got the strength within you ❤️
I felt exactly this way when I separated from mine😐 I was heart broken and so angry that he got to go out and live the single life and meet people when I was home with a baby!! All I can say is it gets easier over time and I eventually started getting out there again and I remarried 🙂 hang in there..cry it out..vent when you need to...laugh when you can and hold those children tight....sending strength your way💜
My Mum and Dad divorced when I was 38, Dad is now with another woman and it was all roses for the first year, and now the new girlfriend complains about every aspect about him that my Mum struggled with, it was just a honeymoon period. My Dad is who he is, and I’m guessing that once your ex gets comfortable he’ll go back to how he was with you too, and it’ll be up to them how they go forward. In regards to having all the responsibilities of the children. There is no reason why you cannot have 50/50 custody agreement, it is actually quite normal to do so these days.
Won't last. Once comfortable or permanent, he will fall back to his old ways.
This was the same with my ex. Started seeing someone the month after we split. He introduced the kids to her 6 months later and she moved in 2 weeks after that. He did so much for her that he wouldn't do for me (cooking, taking her out for dinners, shows that I'd be dying to see, buy flowers, little gifts, etc).
It hurt, not because I missed him or wanted him back but because I'd been begging him to do those things together for years!
Just remember who they are at the core will come through in the end. I now hear (through the kids - and no I do not ask) all the horrible things he says to her. I only find out through random comments the kids say or ask about
I would rather the struggle to get back on my feet and have the freedom to be who I am than to ever have a fake man treat me like that.
He has put his girlfriend above everything even our kids. He does the absolute minimum with our kids, I no longer care because he is the one losing out on the joy of our kids.
I am secure in who I am and the kids will grow up knowing which parent was there 100% of the time and which home is calm.
The kids like the girlfriend which is all I care about, so long as they get along and she isn't nasty to them.
Forget what he is doing, focus on you and your kids and build the future you want. It's not always easy but it is worth it.