Hi to all you lovely ladies,
I'm just after some advice from women how have had similar or the same experience. I'll just start off with some background...
I'm a single sole mumma to a 6 month old baby boy. His father has never met him and I dont think is ever planning on it either. We were both 23 years old when I fell pregnant and for 3 years I stuck around wanting to date him but he was too hung up on his ex.
So I havent seen his father since I was 10 weeks pregnant and can rarely get him to talk to me. I dont go out and I have lost most of my friends, my life revolves around my son. I work part time, and have been the week my DS turned 3 month's, to try and get ahead so I can give my DS a good life because his father doesnt pay child support. I cant stand the thought of ever being with anyone else and I have never been like that. I usually just dust myself off and get back on the horse, figuratively speaking, I also do this with potential new friends.
So my question to you all is how do you get over the resentment?
I resent the father of my child for not giving me a complete family and not giving our son his father to the point of me being bitter and wanting me to get pay back if I let it get ontop of me. I have never been this person and its proving hard to be the bigger person.
Thankyou in advance.
4 Replies
Spend some time actively reminding yourself of your amazing son and the family you have. Regardless of his father being around, you are a family and you have a beautiful boy relying on you!
Write it down, put it in a jar and when there are times you are struggling, take them out and read them again. Make sure you tell yourself every day that you are the bigger person as you never ran away from your responsibilities!
Also, there's a saying that goes something like..
"Holding onto hate and anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die"
It only hurts you xx
Good luck and Merry Christmas :-)
Heyy! Im 22 with an almost 2 year old. Im almost in the exact same situation. I have only seen my babies father once since I was 7 weeks pregnant. And ive spoken to him twice in over 18 months. I walked away from him so its a little different but he makes no effort. At first I felt resentment but honestly all that matter to me now is my time with my little boy. One day I will be able to go out make new friends, ill be able to pamper myself, ill be able to take up a hobby etc etc. It was hard for the first year but now I dont even think about him, now my little boy talks and is interactive its full on and I love finding things for us to do. Some kids are just better off without their fathers. One day your ex will realise what he has lost but your little boy will always know what his mum has done for him. Think of the future. Stay strong. For the first year I stalked his page, checkrd his emails, asked about what he was up to...but now I really dont care. He has moved on and so have I. At first the anger I had for him what getting to me, you need to let it go to be happy, it isnt hurting him so dont let it hurt you. If you can take time for yourself where you can just relax and have fun (even if its an hour). It will help!! Im happily single, I dont want to bring a man into our lives, n op thing wrong with that. When my littlw one is at school ill get out there more but for now im focused on my son but doesnt mean I havent dusted my self. Ive lost all my friends, my best friend ive seen three in the last 12 months and she lives around thw corner from me so its hard, I get it but maybe join a mothers group and have play dates. Were both still young, but weve matured and are responsible, our lives have changed dramatically but it doesnt last forever, it will get better. One thing that worked for me was writing a letter to him telling him exactly how I felt. Then burning it. Then I would write a list of pros and cons. Burn it. Then I wrote why being a mum is the most amazing thing ever. I kept it. All my mums (82) in my mothers group are complaining about their partners, husbands, friends, no free time etc etc so its not always greener on the other side. One day you will find someone who will love you and your son like his own, he will be there for you and make you happy for now focus on your little family whilst making memories. Youare the bigger the person aalready. Keep strong xx
Wow I could have written this ... My dd was 2 months old when I walked out ... I too felt what your feeling, I started doing things that made me happy (when I had time) started playing soccer again, went to the beach and coffee with the few friends I had I started looking after my health I made juices everyday and I tried to have as much fun with my dd as possible I made my life about her ... It took time but I finally got to that place nothing phases me about him now ... My dd turned 8 a few days ago ... Still no child support, rarely sees her and posted on fb that she turned 9 ...haha ... You need to let go or it has a really negative impact on your life as well as your lo ... I also did a vision board and found it eadier to keep on track when I looked at it everyday ... Good luck
Let it go!! Live the life you have with your boy. Be happy you are blessed with the little person.
just a bit of background from me, i was on my own with my first for the first three years. I loved it, i accepted what i had and did the best i could. I didn't hold out for what i thought i should have. I now have a loving partner and another baby.