I’ve been married 30 years with 5 beautiful kids. My husband has bpd, my question is how do you live with someone with bpd? I’m too scared to leave. All that’s left of me is a shell!! 😢
I’ve been married 30 years with 5 beautiful kids. My husband has bpd, my question is how do you live with someone with bpd? I’m too scared to leave. All that’s left of me is a shell!! 😢
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5 Replies
You cant. Youre a shell of a person from living with him. It's part of your damage to think leaving is even worse, so it will be reallt hard and you'll need help, but you'll get yourself back.
Why are you too scared to leave? Get to the bottom of why first and then you can road map a solution for yourself
Hi. This has been my life for 11 years. People say “leave him” and don’t realise how hard that actually is. borderline personality disorder flows like the ocean and the waves take you out at times but in that short moment between the waves you get a glimpse of your partner.
I live in the Hills district Sydney (no I am not the poster above). I had to ask my partner to leave. He had a stay at the Hills Clinic which I have to say was not that helpful but it did link us up with DBT groups which are the gold standard treatment for BPD. They also run family support but personally I found I had to get my own counseling to help me build boundaries (which I had allowed to be destroyed by my partner’s condition).
The best thing that ever happened to us was COVID. He was out of work for 4 months )his own choice - works in a highly technical field) so we took that time to time to get him off the long list of high dose antidepressants and mood stablising drugs he had been put in over the years. I would put money on your husband being diagnosed a heap too. He replaced the drugs with a clean diet and daily exercise. He has had problems with alcohol so that had to go. Don’t get me wrong the BPD is still there. We still live seperate (this is safer option for the children and I) but we are both committed to being better people and a better family. There was a person under all the hurting and drugs that I hadn’t seen in a long time.
I’m sorry. I know you must be hurting and feel very alone. I will be praying for you. Xo
I was the same, got to a point where I didn’t even know who I was anymore, he refused to get help for 20 plus years, 4 years ago I made the decision to leave. It was heartbreaking, but I did it. And slowly finding myself again. The guilt is huge, but it’s better than walking on eggshells day in day out and it has led him to get a little help. It’s hard but it gets better
I suspect that my ex has BPD. I left when I realised that I was teaching my children to tiptoe around him. Took me a long time, but I finally realised I'm worth more than the treatment I was receiving.
I am getting myself back, completely lost my identity with him. I haven't been this happy for 15 years. I too was scared to leave, but the relief was immense, he's still really difficult to deal with, but at least now I can go home and know peace.