I’ve been with my husband for a very long time and we have four kids.
I don’t get along with the in laws and it’s civil but they do stuff like don’t like and comment on any of our kids photos and likes everyone else’s and whatever else. They tag everyone but me in posts. Yet they added me on fb?
I don’t know why they added me or want to snap me when it suits them of things like their work contract or what they bought.
I don’t have time for any of them and I don’t even want them on my social media but the constant flow of seeing the petty shit annoys me cause it’s my kids photos , not of me??? I don’t leave any of their kids out and don’t play games of tag everyone but someone etc etc.
I suppose I shouldn’t care but how do you just not care?? Like I don’t want them at my house or events as it is. We live in a very rural town in NSW so it’s hard to get away from them as well.
Any advice would be great.
Non judgement
19 Replies
I am in a similar situation, they comment on other people's things actively, like other posts all the time.. yet with ours, including births, gender announcement, milestones.. nothing. They haven't even seen our home before!
I actually hid them from my timeline so I no longer get any notifications or stuff when scrolling through that says "Jo liked this post".
I have also done that temporary unfriend thing you can do. So they aren't aware you've unfriended them or whatever it is.
I know. It’s hard cause I don’t like them or want them in my house. But to see all their petty stuff is so frustrating.
I know. It’s hard cause I don’t like them or want them in my house. But to see all their petty stuff is so frustrating.
You can be friends with someone on fb, but just unfollow them. You can take a break too :) I did that with my daughter-in-law because she kept posting Bible/Jesus stuff and nonsense about COVID being "plandemic". For the sake of my son, I have her as a friend, but don't see her posts. It has made my life so much easier!
I do this with my cousins.
The nicest way I could describe them is as intolerant bogans, I remain "friends" with them to avoid it turning into a feud that would only cause unnecessary stress and anguish to my older relatives. But because i don't follow them, their racist, homophobic, fear mongering posts are out of sight and out of mind.
I wrote a similar post a few years ago and got people laughing at me telling me to grow up so just be aware of that. I think it's another way to be passive aggressive to people you don't like but are fake to their face or use your posts to gossip. I now delete anyone that don't interact with my posts but are active on sm with other people's posts and who are 'fake nice to my face. Like I told one in law about my dog dying and she replied "Yeah I saw that on facebook". No sorry, nothing. If people dont treat me the way I would treat them then they are gone. Call it petty but I call it protecting myself from people that don't give a shit. I don't have these expectations of acquaintances or people who I know aren't very good with technology but you can definitely tell bitchy behaviour online.
Thank you. Yeah it’s very passive aggressive. Like non confrontational and petty stuff to try make me feel crap?? It’s not that I gotta grow up, it’s their behaviour. Like don’t add me or befriend me , I don’t care???
Thank you. Yeah it’s very passive aggressive. Like non confrontational and petty stuff to try make me feel crap?? It’s not that I gotta grow up, it’s their behaviour. Like don’t add me or befriend me , I don’t care???
Then you would delete me.
I hardly interact with anyone, especially the people who are constantly posting stuff, I just don’t have the energy to constantly validate their existence.
I’m on fb for the news, poems, memes, funny videos, special interest groups.
I have friends and family on there, they might think I’m passive aggressive, but I just don’t have interest in people’s everyday lives.
I didn’t realise people delete people just because they don’t like and comment on their stuff, I didn’t realise it was expected, because you’ve accepted their friends request.
I didn’t know being friends with someone on social media came with responsibilities.
Sounds kind of insecure to me, you don’t like and comment on my stuff, I’m going to delete you.
I also didn’t realise people had the time to keep score and notice when you like other people’s stuff.
I post a few times a week. I don't share crap or over post. What I don't like is when an in law or friend has added me then does not like or acknowledge things I post like a kids birthday, a pet dying, a new job. Then have them talk about what I post to my partner or amongst themselves. That stuff I don't tolerate. I work 12 hours a day so am rarely online but when I am it's not hard to see who has been online and the stuff they have been liking and commenting.
Wow, just wow, that’s intense.
Yes, getting passively bullied is intense.
I wonder how many real life friendships you’ve ruined over your draconian laws around social media.
Like me, comment on me, give me attention, make me feel important or you’re out.
It's not like that at all. What I mean is people who are meant to be close to me who show no interest in mine or my kids lives but add me on Facebook just to feed their own gossip sessions. I don't give a fuck if my old high school friends or work mates don't like my stuff. I have serious trust issues and have hardly any friends anyway, it's not because I delete them lol that's just the way I am. That's probably why I'm a bit fussy when it comes to this stuff, if you're in, be all in, if not, get the fuck out already.
Honestly, I think the best thing to do is rise above it and ignore it entirely.
If you acknowledge it and let them know it gets to you - they win.
Imagine the satisfaction it would give them if you said anything about it or deleted them as friends!
They clearly spend too much time and effort deliberately excluding you through social media, that wouldn't go unnoticed by anime of importance and it says so much more about them than it does you.
Hide them from your posts so they dont see them, they eventually notice.
I have in laws who are like this & then some.
I've a saying 'I don't respect you so don't care what you think'. It takes a while & lots of reinforcing it, but eventually you'll believe it & they will have absolutely NO power to annoy you, because you just don't care what they do.
I also take action. Unfollow on FB. Don't share personal info & be polite but distant. Invite where necessary but not otherwise & avoid lengthy conversations.
The easiest way? Get your life off SM.
"I only post a few times a week". So it won't be hard to text that photo to the few people you're sharing it with.
"They tag everyone but me". You won't be there to tag, crisis over.
"I don't have time for any of them, or want to see their petty shit". You won't have to. If they want to contact you they'll have to call you or text you. If they don't like you that's highly unlikely.
"I don't like that they don't acknowledge my posts but then use them to feed their gossip". No posts, no gossip fuel.
Do you see how a few deactivations solves a whole lot of drama?
Before you say "why should I have to..."
SM platforms are TOOLS to keep in contact more easily. They've become a lifestyle unto themselves for many, but essentially - just tools.
What do you do if a tool isn't fit for purpose?
You don't use it.
I have FB. None of the other shit, just FB.
I started with all the normal pus, thousands of friends, thousands of photos. None of it was real. I trawled through tonnes of bullshit "inspirational" quotes from people doing the same thing as always but expecting different results. The minute details of the over-sharers lives. The ranting lunacy of the late teen- early twenties wanna-be gangsta parade and so on, and so on.
On my friends list now is 3 close friends, 2 of my siblings, my older nephews, one friends parents. These people do not live close enough to catch up regularly so I use it for purpose. I use a fake name so noone can search for me by name, no awkward denying friend requests from work colleges, family or acquaintances that think friends are like Pokemon and you gotta catch em all. Anyone I don't want on my FB is simply told I don't have FB. Life is quieter and calmer.
They don’t like you, you don’t like them, so why would you expect them to comment and like your stuff?
You don’t have time for them, I’m sure they know you don’t like them.
Do you want them to be fake and pretend?
When you like their stuff, you’re being fake.
Delete them, be authentic.