So my 5 year old daughter has autism and is a selective mute. She is very hyper aware of herself and that she is ‘different’. I’m unsure how to teach her that been ‘different’ is ok. She knows that mummy is different too but I can see that it holds her back.
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Start plugging in to organisations like the Yellow Ladybugs (group for girls) also look at the ICAN network and start researching other autistic advocates. Yen Purkas to mind but there are many others.
My son was a selective mute too, although he is not on the spectrum. He started talking to outsiders at 6 but he still carries severe anxiety, it never goes away. He is now 18 and medicated although he still gets paranoid about things like his health. I would treat her selective mutism separately to her autism and make sure she is on track for learning coping strategies for anxiety as that's what is probably making her feel the way she does now. It's ok to feel different but it's not ok to be stressed about being different.
Books are great, social stories write one with her if you want (where something happens because shes different (the character) but in the end that's ok, everybody is) then draw pics and read it back. Second the yellow ladybugs, they're great always sharing resources.