I've just found a very small lump in my breast, I've got to have an ultrasound, my partners away for work but I really want him to come home. I've got no one I can talk to about it, I don't have any family close. He says he can't.
I know it's only an ultrasound but I feel terrified and need his support. Am I being unreasonable for being upset because he won't even talk to his boss about coming home? It's really hurting me that work always comes first.
18 Replies
If ur in Brisbane go to difw they are very supportive and the dr will talk through results there and then if u ask for her too!
I dont know, it depends on how anxious you are and if you really feel you can't do it alone or have no other support. But I would say to think of it this way, I'd rather have him home and taking leave once you have had the untrasound and have an answer.
((HUGS)) I had an ultrasound and specialist apt a couple of years ago and another ultrasound recently. BC runs in my family so I feel your anxiety, I really do! My advise is to go into the ultrasound on your own. You have absolutely got this girl!! It will only go for 10-15 minutes and your tech will be talk you through what they’re doing. It won’t be anywhere near as scary as you think, I promise 🤗 if your doctor wants to send you to a specialist, ask him to come then. X
I’ve had a few lumps and ultrasounds. Yes I was nervous but nothing I’d expect someone holding my hand for. The first time was the worst because you expect the C word.
As someone else said, go to the ultrasound. If it turns out to be something then your partner can come home.
My lumps have always been ‘mice’. So although I was nervous about the results just like when I had to have blood tests that was for auto-immune diseases that happened to include HIV (because they test for everything just in case) I went through it on my own, no point upending your lives for a test.
I think it's understandable you are worried and want him with you, but I don't think it's reasonable to be angry at him for saying he can't. He doesn't need to be there. On the chance it is something sinister he will need carers leave for appointments you do need someone with you or when you're too I'll to care for yourself from treatment. Saving his leave and putting his job first now is to your benefit if something is wrong. And if it's nothing, his employer might be frustrated with him.
I think it is a bit of an overreaction, wait to see what it is before asking him to ask his boss for time off.
Agree, imagine finding it’s just hormones and he’s left everyone at work in the lurch. If it’s something serious and he doesn’t leave work, then bust his balls for sure
Honestly, if he can’t come home for an ultrasound, then he can’t. If it turns out to be something more serious (honestly fingers crossed it’s not) and he still wont come home then “boy bye”👋🏻
I’ve had 6 ultrasounds over the years, all while i was a single mum, no one came with me. I had an irregular pap smear at around the same time as one of the lumps and had to have specialist appointments alone as well. It’s scary as hell, but the chances of it being cancer are low unless it runs in your family. Just go to the Ultrasound and do what needs to be done.
My bone scan was alone too. I did need hubby around though as I wasn't allowed near my kids for 24 hours because I was radioactive so couldn't do the parenting stuff for them. The procedure wouldn't have helped having him though. It was a full day, he wouldn't have been allowed in and you don't get results from any of these tests immediately anyway.
I'm o.p cancer does run in my family, I also went through a cervical cancer scare alone (I was a single Mum for 6 yrs), I guess I just have ideas of what having a partner should look like, I still do everything alone.
I didn't want him at the appt as such, just around for support before and after.
But I found out today his on the list to fly home early for an infected tooth, so it might work out okay
He is FIFO i take it. It’s not super easy to just pack up and leave a FIFO job mid shift.
Having a partner means sacrifices on both sides. He can’t just up and leave work and drive home to you in 20 mins, him leaving work involves flying, which is costly. The sacrifice one makes for the money. I’m sure it’s not easy for him to be away while you’re so worried, but he doesn’t work in the office up the road.
He needs your support to keep his job just as much as you want his support.
Also, cancer can run in your family, but unless it’s part of BRCA you will most likely be fine. Hormones sre the main cause of lumps and bumps.
I can understand having a partner after doing it single and you would have an expectation that you don't have to do those things alone anymore. But in reality you still will sometimes, especially if he works away. You'll have his emotional support and he's right there on the end of the phone. And you know you can do this. You also know that if it is anything then you will have him and his full support to lean on and help you get through it.
Yes you can organise a flight out. My husband has done it many times fifo when he has needed to. Depends on the site but her partner could Atleast ask and try his best. It’s selfish. Work doesn’t come first!!
It’s totally selfish on his part. My husband worked away and if this was me then he would be on the next flight home. Family first!! you need to go off at him.
It’s an ultrasound, there are no results yet and maybe he hasn’t actually got a choice.
It doesn’t come under family emergency and could cost him his job
No it’s not. It’s an ultrasound. I’ve faced many of them on my own, because no way do I expect my husband to drop work and fly home for something that 1 - he won’t be allowed in for anyway
2 - you don’t need him to physically be there to talk to and provide support - phones were invented for a reason
3 - you’re not going to get results then and there, the us techs can’t tell you anything.
4 - he could lose his job because it’s not an emergency, it’s not surgery, it’s not a biopsy - it’s a routine scan that will take at most half an hour.
OP needs to put on her big girl pants and realise that yes, work - that probably supports her and pays for these ultrasounds etc - does need to come first over something that is more than likely nothing more than a hormonal cyst.
I think you’re slightly over reacting. It’s an ultrasound. I have had one (with a biopsy) and my best friend had one (with a biopsy) both on our own. Mine was fine, hers was not. If there is something they find you are better with him home then, not using his leave now. Trust me on that one!
I think you are emotional, anxious, worried, but don't be hating on him if he can't come home. Work doesn't come first for most people by choice, Work for most people at the moment is something everyone needs and is working hard to keep. Not saying you are not important, but life is balancer, Have the ultrasound and see what is going on , at that point you will know very quickly what you are dealing with. Also remember some people go into flight mode when scary things happy, it's fear not the lack of love or caring.
Good luck and sending positive vibes