Trigger/ content warning- DV, trauma, children, seeking support
I'm searching for some support/ suggestions for where to go for support for myself and how to properly read/ cope with aspects of my marriage.
Some background- when I was young my dad was a violent drunk and on some occasions would hurt my mum, I have memories of my older brother (8 at the time) hiding myself and my younger brother (6 and 4 at the time) and calling the police for help, we started in a women's refuge for two weeks after a particularly bad incident where my dad actually recieved professional help and stopped drinking. Those are two experiences that stick out for me but my childhood was littered with these types of incidences. My mum and dad are still together to this day.
My first major relationship ended when my partner was physically violent with me on more then one occasion. We had a child together and I left one day when he was at work.
Currently I sometimes worry that I don't read situations correctly, in my current relationship my husband is not at all physical with me but he has said things like he would burn me alive if I left him and told me where he would hide my body if he killed me.
Typing that it sounds disgusting and I feel very silly but I honestly don't know like--- is this what relationships are? If a partner in the future said that to my daughter I would be livid. When I've spoken to my husband about that it makes me uncomfortable he says that he isn't being serious and I should know that... but I don't and then I wonder if I'm overreacting or if I have a problematic view of relationships because of my childhood.
I hope this is ok to even ask here I am just hoping maybe for some suggestions regarding literature, counseling for me even.
Thanks all
4 Replies
No, that’s normal and it’s a form of abuse.
I’d definitely seek some therapy. Your GP should be able to refer you somewhere.
*not normal
Don't for a second believe that what you've been through in any way negatively effects how you read situations now. If anything you pick up on it faster.
You're uncomfortable because it's wrong. I don't care if he thinks he's being a funny cunt. He's being abusive, he's already starting the narrative in your head that you can't get away.
I'll even take a bet you're beginning to feel afraid which is the real reason you're asking, you're hoping for a different answer but you won't get it here. It's NOT right.
🙌 Well said!!