Hi.....Not really sure what too do....I had a best friend (Our hubbys were also best mates) for 9 fantastic years...We did everything together...travelled alot together...very inseparable....Then all of a sudden she became quite nasty toward me and made me feel crap in the very last year...she knocked my body....my job and everything i did was wrong....I tried talking to her to sort things out but she slowely kept declining offers to hang out..So i stopped trying and chasing her.....We had 1 last catchup and sorted everything out..We were so happy we could all get passed it..but soon after.....again we kept trying to hang out but it was a no! I hit her up again to sort stuff out..she replied we are done and over it..(this was 4 months after).took alot of hurt and growing...but i finally got past it....i couldn't believe it happend..how and why...?
Anyway she now after 2 years has been texring me and saying she cries all the time and has made a mistake...saying we can work this out....i want too be friends but then i don't.....i don't know what too do....Can it work again after so much time has passed?? Is it worth it? Argh
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13 Replies
I’m such a grudge holder.. but for me it would be a no... she completely turned on me once even after we discussed it...
She’d need a good reason.. are the men still close?
Nah the men aren't friends,Her hubby was the master of it all....He has also messaged my hubby wanting another chance
I’d leave it in the past... less headaches..
I don't know your friend, but I've had a friendships very similar to this. One turned nasty (I'm pretty sure it was jealousy) & one dumped me whenever someone more fun came along. Both came back. The nasty one showed me within 5 minutes she hadn't changed & the other talked about how she was lonely (her BFF had moved away).
Both would have done the same to me again, plus the hurt, distrust worry would always be there. It'd never be the same.
Unless you want to go through that horrible experience again, don't rekindle, or keep it casual & don't invest emotionally in the friendship.
Yeah i think the trust is gone for me....She should of been upfront with me both times but never was...i said to her how would i be able to trust you again...she replied...you need to believe in me.
First i would ask her what happened there, that would help to decide. Also, What else is her history? She wiped others? Anything happened to make her really change?
Just tell her how really hurt you were and you really aren't sure you'll get over that, and don't try for now, just talk and see if it grows or fizzles.
I’ve just been through this myself, my absolute best friend just went awol one day and it built up to too much.
I had to make the decision to cut her out. She came back but it was the same old immediately. Within a day it went back to usual.
Nope from me
Just my two cents - I'd say these two have burnt quite a few bridges with other people, so they're feeling lonely and now they're trying to crawl their way back into yours and your hubby's life because they think it's been long enough that you'll just let all the past issues slide...
No way I'd be allowing these people to waltz back into my life.
The fact that you're hesitant speaks volumes as well.
No she is playing with you when it suits her just cut ties and move on. Ignore any contact with her.
Don’t do it. They obviously use you both for when no one else wants them around. Just ignore both and block them off. Don’t allow it they have proven their true colours.
True friends are there thru thick and thin, not just when it’s convenient to them. If they have ditched you once they will do it again. If you do decide to give them a second chance don’t invest yourself emotionally. Deep down how do you really feel about this person? Can you live without them in your life or are you distracted all the time cause you miss them? Only you can really answer that question
Had almost the same thing happen to me. Was friends with someone for years, our husbands were friends and our kids were friends. We saw each other every week, went out together, dinners, went away. Then it changed, overnight. I have my suspicions as to what happened (a situation that was absolutely not my fault, but affected her child) and it all stopped. I tried to talk with her, and we did meet up, but it was hard.
That was maybe 8 years ago now. We don't really go in the same circles anymore, but if we do there is a lot of angst. We used to tell each other we'd catch up - never did - last time I ran into her we didn't even say that.
Honestly, it broke my heart when it first happened. But then other people who were in our friendship group told me things that had happened between them and her.
Now, I'm still very close to all of them, and still see them very often.
So my advice is to do what feels right for you.