I want so much for the man I have been seeing for over three years to want a bigger commitment. He was previously married and had two children. I have two children also to previous relationship I was in for over 12 years with no marriage. After our relationships ended we took a few years to find ourselves and then each other and spoke for a year before dating. I know it seems really silly and maybe unimportant to other people, the whole 'it's just a piece of paper' thing or being 'defacto', but to me it is not. I always thought I was going to get married. It's not just about getting married, I refused to marry my ex because he cheated and I did not want to be 'his wife' so there are definite values attached to it. Unfortunately I am not sure my current partner ever wants to get married again and I feel a sense of sadness. I guess it's just trying to let go of that dream, if that even makes sense??
9 Replies
I think you have to decide what you valued about marriage and find those good points in your relationship.
I mean to me, being married is about putting our family first, treating each other with respect and being committed to each other and working as a team.
Marriage for me, isn’t about a wedding, isn’t about having a party with friends and family.
If you’ve got the things you’ve already defined as what you want a marriage is then isn’t that what is important.
PS I’m not married.
Denial doesn’t work for everyone.
I’m not in denial. I’ve seen so many friends push for marriage and then end up divorced 12 months later.
I just choose to focus and work on the quality of the relationship and value that over a ceremony.
How exactly is she in denial?
I completely understand where you are coming from and we do have a fantastic relationship. It is certainly not about the wedding or party with friends and family. Would happily marry him on the back of a cement truck lol. It's about what it has always meant to me, tied to my values more I think and just trying to come to terms with not ever having something that was always important to me. Not making comparisons, I certainly know plenty of divorced couples and people who marry for lesser reasons such as having a party. This is something much deeper in meaning for me. I admitted it may sound silly to some people ;)
I am married. But I'm traditional like that. Marriage is important to me and it's important to my husband. Not everyone agrees, but being married to someone i love is the highest acheivement of becoming as one. It's how i was raised and for us, its the purest form of spiritual and emotional connection
This is it, spot on exactly how I feel! It has nothing to do with the actual ceremony but more about what it symbolises to me
If he has been married before and it didn’t work I can see why the idea is off putting for him. If you have everything that makes a marriage, except the signed bit of paper does it really matter? Is pushing him into something he doesn’t want to do and causing unnecessary strain on your relationship worth it?
I am certainly not pushing him into anything, he is not even aware of how strongly I feel about this so I have not allowed it to put a strain on anything. It has been spoken about but no pressure from me. I am wise enough to know that would not achieve anything. This is about me and how to navigate my own feelings.