Hi IMs.
I’m looking for some advice/experiences of being on the fence about having another baby. My husband and I have been together a long time and have one child. We are both on the fence about having another, but seemingly we are leaning in different directions. I can see where he is coming from when he says that he just doesn’t think he would cope emotionally having another, and I don’t want him to resent me or the child if we did. Saying that, I just get this feeling deep down that I’m meant to have one more and I just don’t feel like our family is complete... I’m in my 30’s, so I feel like we’re running out of time. I love my husband and understand his reasoning, but also feel like I would resent him later down the line
8 Replies
You're both not on the fence at all. You want one. He doesn't.
A no outweighs a yes, always.
And if you feel like you'll resent him for saying no, because as you said he may easily resent you back if you did have another then the only real option left is to move out and move on. If it's extremely important to you to have another, you might just have to seek a relationship where someone else is willing to give you a baby and that's the gist of it. There is no other way unless you change your mind set and accept that he just isn't keen.
It would be pretty silly tho to ruin a perfectly good relationship and your love for each other over disagreements to bear another child.
All that is left to do is work out weather your desire for another baby outweighs your love for him. If it does, then you know what to do.
If it doesn't then you also know what to do.
Do not stay if you will continue to forever resent him because it will end up in a separation anyway.
He’s told you he doesn’t want another, time for you to decide if you can live with that.
Why do you say he is on the fence? He has told you he does not want another child. That’s not on the fence at all
He’s told you he wouldn’t cope with another baby. That’s not on the fence. That’s someone you should not have another baby with.
He Won’t Cope. He is telling you he is finding fatherhood difficult already.
You need to listen and believe him and understand another baby is a terrible idea with him.
It’s up to you weather your desire for another baby is enough to make you leave or your family as it is, is worth preserving.
Him openly admitting that he wouldn’t cope with another child is the complete opposite to being on the fence. He has been honest, he doesn’t want any more. You need to learn to live with it or more on and find another guy to knock you up
Better to regret a child you didn't have than one you did. He's not wanting another. You need to accept it or go and find someone who does.
He's not saying he won't cope. He's saying he doesn't think he will big difference. They are still on the fence. When you guys know where you definitely stand, you can make a plan. I agree with the others though. A no trumps a yes.
You will resent him. He will adapt and love the baby as much as the next one. If it was me I would do it. I couldn’t live with the regret if I wanted another one that bad. I would def regret it if I didn’t.