My Husband & I have been married for 2 years and share a 5 Year Old & a 3 Year Old together. Over the past year I have had this desire to have one more baby. I have been bringing it up quite frequently lately and trying to start a conversation but most times he just says no or sits on his phone and ignores me. I thought the feeling would pass and its not. Its starting to become between us because we just cant seem eye to eye. He is concerned because he believes we would have to sell our house so we can buy a 4 bedroom place, we would have to upgrade to a 7 seater car and worried about all they money we would spend to start buying baby things again. When I do try to suggest things he just sits on his phone and says he is done talking. I feel like I cant express how I feel and I'm just expected to let it go. I am finding its making me unhappy and not wanting to spend time with him or be intimate with him anymore. I try not to talk to him and just be nice for our kids sake. Will this feeling on wanting another baby ever pass or do I supress it?
20 Replies
He has shared the reasons why he doesn’t want another one. Which are all valid. What are your reasons for wanting another?
You are being really immature, if this is the way your trying to get your point across I can see why he is saying no and not wanting to discuss it. You can’t stomp your feet or give him the silent treatment to get what you want. It’s a whole person your asking for, not something minor. He has very valid reason about not wanting any more. Do you have a valid reason other than your clucky?
May I ask how I'm being immature? I am simply wanting to discuss it further rather than having him sit on his phone and ignoring me. He spent most of the year telling me he wanted to have another one and therefore I got more excited then all of a sudden when I try to bring it up I get nothing. When we spoke about kids we both said 3.
Your avoiding spending time with him, talking to him and being intimate with him because he doesn’t want another child. That’s definitely not how a mature adult would react to a situation. It’s also a really good way of putting a massive gap between the two of you and destroying any chance of him ever changing his mind.
He is allowed to change his mind at any point in time about how many children he wants to raise and support.
Why are you adding this here? You never said anything in your post about him wanting another one at all, and as an afterthought, you've added it here separate ly when you know it isn't true, cos if it were you would have stated it origonally.
A no always out weighs a yes
👍🏼
I understanding the yearning. I really do.
But he sounds really done with more kids. Like done, done. Not a maybe, not let’s discuss but done. When you are done you are done, and having another kid with someone who feels that way is only going to lead to unhappiness.
You should never talk someone into having a baby.
What you can do is work on your feelings, those you can control and process. Yes, it’s a process and yes you can feel sad for awhile. But you can also reason with yourself about why another one wouldn’t be a good idea.
I think us ladies at some point do have a yearning for just one more. But a no far outweighs a yes and his reasoning is logical and fair.
It’s a good thing that he told you how he was feeling before a 3rd was made. It would have been more heart breaking if he had of followed through with another baby even though he didn’t want it just to ease your cluckiness. Resulting in him not copying or resenting your or the baby and leaving. Then all three would have been without their dad. Now you have a chance to come to terms with the decision that he is two and done and work forward.
I think the problem is if theyre sure they dont see the benefit of getting into a discussion . Whereas if we feel like plans have changed we deserve at least the respect of a conversation about it.
Yes he can change his mind.
Yes he should give you the time and attention when you want to talk about this and to explain where his head is too.
You most certainly don’t need a 7seater car for 3 kids. Also, kids can have double bunks & share a room. No need for a bigger house. All these things were bought up when we were discussing #3. We have 3 kids in a Isuzu Dmax. We have a 4 bedroom house which fits everyone perfectly but now I am pregnant with #4 😆 early days. But currently looking at bunk beds & who will share with who. It’s totally doable, I hope he gets on board with you. Also, we need a bigger car now 😆
So glad someone said it. We have a modest 3 bedroom with 3 kids I have a 5 seater car we make do just fine would a bigger house and car be nice and possibly make life a little easier for sure but is it necessary absolutely not
He's shutting down the conversation because to him he's made his point clear and you're just pushing it until he gives in. Unfortunately we don't always get what we want. The yearning for you will pass eventually.
I'm 100% sure I dont want anymore to the point that if my husband desperately wanted more children he would have to leave me and do it with someone else. Its a major decision and one he sounds like his mind is made up on.
Or hes has a vasectomy without telling you and doesn't want you to find out 🤷♀️
Agree, one and done here.
I toyed with the idea of another because my partner wanted it but when it came down to it I just couldn't.
Once that decision was made on my part I told him I would understand if he left to find someone else to fulfill that want.
Past that point, I would have felt attacked if it kept being thrown back in my face.
He's made his point. I don't want a 3rd for lots of reasons too. If my husband kept trying to debate the logistics I wouldn't engage either.
I think he's given you valid reasons as to why he doesn't want another child. I'd leave it for a significant amount of time and then come back to it, if it's still a no then you need to accept its a no, or move on.
When it comes to wanting another child both parties need to concent to it. Imagine if you were done and he kept going at you. You need to respect his response, as someone else has said no trumps a yes.
Maybe some counselling for one or both of you with a neutral party in the middle to help communicate might be an idea?
My hubby (fiancé at the time)never wanted any. He wanted to travel. We agreed to split and see what happened and a week later found out we were pregnant and he loved our first but was still not all in. However we planned a second. I suffered the worst post natal and didn’t want anything to do with the baby for a good six months so he did everything and worked full time. I was desperate for a third to get it right. He was dead against it of course and we agreed no more. I don’t blame him but I did get pregnant by complete surprise years later and he was gutted. I was ecstatic. He and our third are besties. But the extra pressure financially the third has put us under and the time having a third has taken away from the older two’s homework etc has been huge and if I could go back I’d definitely only have two because of those reasons and only those reasons. Also our second is so resentful of his little brother as he took all the attention away from his dad and tbh my hubby really resents him from the severe post natal I had after having him. Very sad a😔
Anyways you have to both want it equally because a child is there forever. Not just a phase and the third really does add a lot more pressure financially. ❤️