The other night I came in to the room where my partner was on his phone. When I sat down I noticed the name of the person he was messaging. He has previously told me she is a friend he has known for years.
I was left with a horrible feeling and so when he was asleep I looked at his phone. The messages progressed from telling her I was easy to get along with, then went on to say that he wanted to get her in bed and maybe he should organise a holiday.
I feel so sick. We have been together for 8 and a half years and I thought we were happy. The past couple of nights I have come home from work and can't get the courage up to tell him I saw the messages (which he has now deleted). I am devastated.
He has been my world and now I don't know what to do.
How do I bring up the messages I saw?
How do I bring up the messages I saw?
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage
8 Replies
Well before you tell him,you need to decide what youre going to do. Are you kicking him out? Ending it? You want to watch him lie to your face? You want to believe when he eventually admits part of it and swears it was stupid and nothing? Do you have new boundaries around being unable to trust him? You need to decide first, then commit.
When I knew my ex had been up to no good I just asked him if there was anything he needed/wanted to tell me (like he was a child who’d broken a lamp). He cracked in seconds!
Don’t avoid the hard questions, they will just cause you more pain the longer you put it off.
Man.. I'd have asked that second. Direct questions is pretty much the only option. I agree with the first comment though. Know what you want first.
Please update us on how you went.... *hugs*
I've been where you are, and worse.I confronted my husband with proof, I screenshot or emailed myself the proof from his phone. He actually had a second phone he was using because our 2 little kids would often use his phone. I had no idea he had a second phone until I was in Europe on a work trip and my eldest daughter messaged me and asked whose phone it was cause she's never seen it before and he had left it on the bench. I got her to take a photo of it and send me.
He admitted to everything eventually and we tried to stay together and work through it, then I asked him to move out. He was gone for a while then I let him back home. He came back 4 years ago and we have been working on our relationship since. Things arent always great, but I love him and even though I believe he won't to it again, I still don't trust him 100%.
You need to know exactly what you want when you discuss this with your husband. Do you want to try and make it work, do you want him to move out?
Good luck, a relationship can survive this if you both want it to and both work bloody hard at it.
I'd be confronting him be straight upfront about the messages. Tell him you seen them, he can't dance his way around it. I'd also be tracking her down and making it known to her you know and how pathetic she is for wanting to continue knowing he is in a relationship.
I would then be kicking his arse to the curb because that there shows he absolutely no repsect for you.
What a pig don’t tell him a thing and keep snooping and find out more. Be smart here and then pack his bags and boot him. What a dog!! Do not tell him he will deny it and delete everything.
I too have been here.
We went to counselling. We came back stronger but the doubt is always there. I still get urges to check social media accounts and his messages.
I don’t know if that will ever go.
We made a conscious decision not to give up, to see if we could come back from it (10 years and kids)
Maybe try to get evidence before you approach him so he can’t make you out like you’re crazy and it’s all in your head.
Screen shots of messages, emails. Also check his phone for WhatsApp and Snapchat and see if she is in his recent contacts - you won’t be able to see the messages but you will be able to see the last time they messaged.