For years I have been buying my kids presents for Christmas, my partner never really wanted anything to do with it, if anything he tried to lower the budget our kids presents and lower the amount of presents they received, sometimes they may have got 5 presents each other times they may have got 8, they were little and most were toys. Now my 2 boys are teenagers and I have a 7 year old. We save money each week so Christmas isn’t stressful by the end of the year. My partner organised last year for our eldest kids to buy their own gifts and then to have it put away until Christmas. I was kind of uncomfortable with this as I feel Christmas is about giving, and not always knowing what you’re getting, being surprised if you will but I went ahead with it cause my partner made it quite clear that I was selfish and said Christmas isn’t about me. It worked out the kids opened their presents and forgot most of what they purchased but inside me I just wished there was just one present under the tree that was a surprise. Fast forward to this year and it’s the same deal, I finally decided tonight to open up about how I felt, it really saddened me that my partner knew how much Christmas meant to me, it was the only good childhood memories I have, at first I said how about we take half of the money and buy our teenagers gifts to surprise them with and give them the other half of the money, my partner said that was messed up, they’re teenagers and don’t want your shitty gifts. He recommended $100 so I agreed on that. He said that last year and this year is the only time he has ever had control over Christmas, like I took all those years of Christmas away from him which is far from the truth, I always got excited and wanted him involved, he never really liked going Christmas shopping (said Christmas wasn’t his thing) and would complain about the money I spent and was really only there to monitor what I purchased, he never showed any interest so I used to do it the best I could. I told him tonight that it really hurt that he didn’t even consider me in this deal with our boys, he did what he wanted to do and made an agreement with our teenagers. Anyways, he agreed to 1 surprise present under the tree but my issue is with what he said as he was making the agreement, words like, you’re selfish, Christmas isn’t about you, you’re a loser, you’re a brat stamping her feet, you will get your own way so just go and do it. I’m not sure I can now, I’ll have those words in the back of my head the whole process of it all. Am I asking for too much? Am I being unreasonable, am I selfish? I know that putting a surprise present under the tree will make me happy, it will fill my heart up with joy but is that being selfish? It excites me to see my kids surprised. I don’t know. Sometimes I can’t tell if I’m being unreasonable, hence why I am writting here.
Thanks
8 Replies
He sounds like a fucking delight. I dont know how youve put up with it, (or why) all i can say is stop arguing with him because you wont make him like you or be nice to you and you dont need to spend time engaging with that, look at you trying to negotiate and worry whats fair while he talks to you like that and ruins a festival OF CHEER.
See how you've lived with this for some time and it makes you doubt yourself?
He is a selfish, abusive, arrogant fuckwit and he's trying to make you think it's you.
Considered how much happier Christmas would be for everyone if he wasn't around pulling everyone down?
Go a bit further, maybe consider how much happier every day would be.
You could try counselling if you wanted to, if you felt you needed it for closure. I'd bet a weeks wage he'll either not go or would go and try to manipulate the therapist to agree it's all your fault anyway.
It's a blessing in disguise really. You don't need to wonder what he thinks of you. His entire dead and bloated brain is right there in plain sight. You're not any of the things he says you are and the sooner you tell him to take his fucked up opinions elsewhere the sooner you can start rebuilding your self esteem to where you could identify this as the abusive behaviour it is.
He sounds like a pig. I’m sorry. Don’t let this man ruin the last few years of happiness and Christmas magic you have before your kids are adults ❤️
Do the kids want surprise gifts or so they want money to buy what they really want?
Who cares what the kids want. My kids don’t get what they want. It’s about the thought and be happy with what they get. this guy sounds like a selfish brat!
Omg god want a dick!!!! I have all control over Christmas and if my husband wants to do anything diff he can but he thinks it’s upto me to organise what I feel it best for the kids and surprises and I’m with you. Christmas is about surprises. Your partner sounds like a selfish brat! he sounds jealous if anything and you shouldn’t have to reason with him. I wouldn’t stand for that for one second. If I was you I’d be taking the kids away on a holiday for Christmas with out him 😂 Yuk what a turn off! tell him to grow up!
Stand up to this childish clown and tell him to grow up!!! My kids are never too old for surprises and they get what they are given, if they don’t like it bad luck but I know my kids well enough to know what they might like. Your partner sounds like a complete tosser!
I'm so sorry you're going through this. That sounds really controlling and abusive, i can't believe he was calling you a loser and a selfish brat... that is not normal darl. I hope this doesn't twist into other parts of your relationship too? if it does it sounds very traumatic. I hope you can become strong and get through this. with or without him.