Ive recently seperated from husband of 16 years (together 26 years, Im 39) we have have 3 beautiful children. I have zero friends, sure I have family members etc but noone that has my back, my go to person. Since seperating, I have not had one single message of support or drop in with wine....nothing. I want to know how does one become that powerful self loving person that does not need anyone? I have found it hard to meet friends due to my marriage, I feel that Im socially awkward and I suffer from being anxious with new things, so Im wanting to be reliant on just me making me happy!. I have no hobbies (my marriage was a bit suppresive of my growth) I work full time for the Government however, I work solo so work colleagues arent local to me. Im just so lonely and lost.
5 Replies
Oh hun I feel for you, I was in the same position as you, when my husband cheated on me, but I was a stay at home mum and, and felt lonely and lost, and the ONLY advice I can offer is take one day at a time, if you have time maybe join a gym or a craft group or mums group, and take one day at a time, make time for self care, rediscover YOU xxx
When I separated from my ex I lost every one of my friends. Not because I did anything wrong but because they were ‘his friends’ from before we got together and so as ‘loyalty’ goes when we broke up off they went with him. I have never ever felt such a deep seeded sense of abandonment as I did at that time.
I don’t think anyone can ever be that powerful self loving person that does not need anyone. We are human. We need other humans. What you can aim for is being a a super amazing person that is going to wait for the right people to come alone to join your village. It’ll take time. I have the worst anxiety and really struggle with adult human contact 😂 but each week is set a goal. Smile at another adult, have a chat to the old lady behind me at the line in the shops blah blah slowly my confidence and social awkwardness allowed me to join in with the other mums at the school or having a real chat to the people next door or explore study options or look into social group.
4 years later I have a solid 2 good friends and a few other people I am social with :) start small. Work up and know that you are frigging amazing!!
It takes quite some time I'm afraid. I was in a similar position. Not particularly social, all our friends were his so apart from family I was alone in a town an hr and a half from anyone. What it takes is getting through it, that is where the power comes from, you get through it and you thrive, and you come to realise that you can handle what life throws at you and land on your feet.
I don't think we're wired to not need anyone. You've had your person since you were 13 so it's no wonder it suppressed you. What state are you in? Federal, state or local government?
Sounds like the prefect time to pick up some new hobbies babe. I started adult jazz at the studio my daughter dances after seeing them perform at the end of year concert. I was sooo nervous my whole first year! I hardly said 2 words to anyone. Then they surprised me by inviting me to the wind up dinner and 8 years or so later, they are some of my dearest friends. Last year, I joined a challenge at my gym. I'm nearly 40, thought I was way past the age of making new friends, and I finished the challenge with a new crew of amazing women who have my back always. Put yourself out there. I know it's scary, but you never know what you will find.