I’ve been with this guy for 8 years and we recently got married in the beginning of this year. Last week I caught him talking to a colleague in the middle of the night behind by back and upon further investigation found out he was calling him everyday when I wasn’t around. He claimed he had no feelings for her but simply enjoyed chatting and gossiping about work and didn’t want me to find out as I would feel bad. But this was incident opened up a can of worms. I went through his transactions to check if he’d gone out anywhere with her but I was shocked when I found out that he visited an escort company. He claims that it was for a massage with happy ending but when I called the place they said they offered oral sex and sex . He did this last week and he said the only reason he did this was out was curiosity as he’s never done it before. I believed him but I was still curious and started checking his bank account more and I found out last year before we got married and when I was away for 2 months, he transferred $300 to 5 different woman, visited brothels 3-4 times. He claims the money transfer is for lap dances and he has not had sex with anyone. But i feel $300 for lap dance is too much but I have no way to prove this. Now he’s begging me for forgiveness and asking for a chance and telling me he’ll be a changed man. How am I supposed to believe him. I don’t know what to do, I’m in constant anger and pain and feel to disgusted about him as a person and I don’t know if it’s worth giving him another chance.
22 Replies
This is not someone who deserves another chance. He can’t even be honest about what he has done.
He has been cheating on you consistently. Make no mistake a massage with a happy ending is cheating.
Do not trust him. He can’t be trusted.
How are you supposed to believe him?
You don't because he's lying through his teeth!
If I were you, i would immediately go and get yourself a sexual health check up. It's pretty much a given that he's seeking the services of sex workers so it's not much of a stretch to assume he's probably sleeping with random women too.
Even if it was a happy ending, with none of the other stuff, I’d be out.
The fact he thinks that is okay is another reason I’d be out.
Get yourself tested, not because he’s been to brothels but because he has probably slept with ransoms.
I’d be long gone, no way it’s okay to have a massage with a happy ending. And he has most definitely slept around. You deserve better x.
Owe darling, he is so full of shit it’s not funny. Kick him out and move on. You deserve way better than a lying cheating wanker!
Hell no! There is no second chance. It’s time to call it quits TODAY.
No
My husband phones me and laughs about it when he's offered a happy ending. He doesn't understand why he would say yes when he's not single and lonely. It would be a huge issue for me.
I'm shocked you are even talking about lap dances and happy endings as if it's ok. It's not - it's seeking sexual services. He was doing it while you were away. He knew what he was doing was wrong.
He won't change. He will improve until you relax and then start again, being more creative to hide it.
Ask yourself two things:
What do you think would have happened if you hadn't discovered it? Would it still be happening?
Do you really want to live with someone you don't trust and thinks it's ok to do this?
You deserve more. You know it.
Pack his shit. Boot him out. Take care of yourself and recover from this, with the whole memory of him in your past.
Ewww yuck, kick him to the curb
Eewww you poor girl, no way I would forgive that yukkk!!! he has been caught and still lying. Imagine all the ones you don’t know about Yuk. I would be long gone and he would be out of my life for good.
Don't give him another chance. He's a liar and hasn't been honest from the start. When trust is gone, it's gone. How can you now believe anything he says??
My husband is a recovering drug addict and could lie like you wouldn’t believe! I stuck out the recovery and through his absolute honesty and commitment to going to NA meetings he is absolutely a changed man and I’m glad I stood by him. Your husband is an addict, would he be willing to do the same as mine? Earn back your trust, admit he has a problem and seek counselling and support through sex anonymous meetings? He’s got to prove he’s worth giving a chance. Good luck xo
I just want to wrap you up in a warm hug! How awful, you must be feeling so betrayed right now. I know sometimes its so hard to not believe lies we so desperately want to believe is the truth. Honestly what you do is up to you, first thing I would do is go get a check up. Secondly take some time to yourself to process everything and take a breath. Consider what's ahead, consider how you might feel if you stay, do you want to live a life of constantly looking over your shoulder?
All the best, I wish you all the very best in life xox
Oh jeez I'm sorry this has happened.
Straight off the bat, if my husband visited a brothel for a massage with a happy ending, that would be the end of that marriage.
Unless you've told him he can visit these places and do these things, you need to stand up for yourself, and the respect you deserve.
Send him on his way, that way he can visit all the sex workers and brothels he wants.
Whatever you find is prob a small amount of what he has actually done!
So if you didn't find out all of this, you still wouldn't know and he'd still be doing it. He's only upset because he got caught red handed.
He won't change his behaviour. If he had any remorse he would have only done this once and then told you. Instead you had to catch him in the act and he lied anyway.
Get out while you can. You are worth so much more than that.
So sorry you are going through this but I think you know the answer. He has cheated on you multiple times and even worse lied straight to your face. The trust is gone and you are worth more than this. Don’t waste anymore of your life and try to be thankful you have found out who he really is and can get out, Hugs x
So sorry you are going through this but I think you know the answer. He has cheated on you multiple times and even worse lied straight to your face. The trust is gone and you are worth more than this. Don’t waste anymore of your life and try to be thankful you have found out who he really is and can get out, Hugs x
Run! He will not change his ways - he was doing it behind your back before and now after you’re married. There is no possible way he will reform - he’s obviously somewhat addicted and why should you have to live forever wondering and asking what he’s up to. Do right by yourself and end things now. You’re worth more than this filthy git.
He’s a scum bag and 10000 percent had sex with them. I’m so sorry you are going through this. You deserve better.