So since day one I’ve been trying to teach my son not to take personal items to school (as per the schools recommendation / rules). I have explained all the reasons why, but he just doesn’t listen. Before starting my current job 2 years ago, I used to search his bag and him to remove all his personal items before he went to school EVERYDAY, I shit you not, he’d have things inside the shoes on his feet, in his undies, you name he’d hide things there. He is now 13.5 years old. I’ve leave the house before he does, he’s not left alone my mum works from home but she doesn’t have time to search him. So he’s back to taking things to school, even though I reminded him not too. This week he had a ball “stolen”, this is in quotations as it may not be the real story, but the ball is missing non the less. I personally see this as karma for not following the rules and won’t buy him a new ball.
My son got his dad and dads family involved (we aren’t together and that side of the family live no where near us), before I found out that it was even missing. His dad has now contacted the school in an extremely angry mood (he has anger management issues) wanting them to do something about it. . . . Umm is this not why schools don’t want kids bringing things from home??? And now that side of the family want to buy my son a new ball as this one was “stolen”. Umm is this not rewarding him for ignoring the rules. . . Am I out of touch with reality or am I just a bitch???
This is a place where women from different backgrounds, cultures and beliefs come together to support one another judgement free.
21 Replies
Umm no, your son is old enough to listen to the rules and to not go behind you back and do as he pleases. It’s his own fault the ball is gone. Really doesn’t matter what happened to it. If he had of listened and followed the rules then he would still have it. Dad needs to not ring the school acting like a bag of dicks, but that seems to be another issue in itself.
I'd defunitely be buying him nothing but the basics. No more gifts, no nothing. Tough Luck.
I remember a friend of mine at school would deliberately break her shoes so her parents could buy her the new expensive ones she wanted. Pair after pair were torn, cut up, and damaged week after week in the hope they'd buy her the $250 ones she really wanted. One day she came to school with her latest pair of torn 20 dollar shoes 'repaired' in masking tape. Her mum made her wear them like that the rest of the school term. Karma got her good she never tore her shoes again.
So yep I'd be buying him nothing anymore. But in the mean time drumming into him the importance of not taking stuff to school. Check too that he's not buying his 'friends' approval with his things.
Agree with the "buying friends" comment.
Earlier this year my 11 year old daughter had a complete breakdown because I wouldn't let her take something to school. It then came out that her so called best friend was telling her things like "you need to give me X,Y,Z or I won't be your friend".
This had been going on for months.
Yes! My son's so called friend was only in his life because he was making my son buy him things with his own pocket money. As soon as i found out, the next time the kid came over to 'play' as he usually would i told him to never come back and that he owes my son his money back and that I'd be telling his parents about the money he owes. I never did intend to do that, but that little brat never came near my son again after that.
Natural consequences, you’re right ❤️
He needs to suffer from the consequences. If he really wants a new ball he can save his pocket money.
Im in two minds here.
Yes theyre wrong, but what they do is up to them and nothing to do with you. You dont have to punish him or anything. Leave them to it and tell him its not right.
On the other hand, kids bring things to school. Thats why rules always need to be made, to stop issues because kids alwaya do it. They do it because connection between home and school is very important . Its even part of the curriculum. Teachers try to create links by bringing in photos and treasures etc, but kids want to do it through toys and games.
So I think being 100% strict and searching him is a bit much. Just help him label things well, help him choose whats a good idea and whats not. If theres no rule against balls, then plenty of kids take balls. It sucks he lost it, but thats the risk of taking things. If it has him name on it in sharpie he might get it back. If not, he wont. And so then, from that stance, is it so bad for them to buy him a new ball, no. (I dont condone them being angry or aggressive unless someone took it from him) just get him to sharpie his name on this one.
Terrible advice. Totally disagree here! If he's been told to stop taking things bcoz of constantly losing them, then thats it ! He doesnt get to disobey the house rules and sneak things out the home. You might be okay with that but you are a minority
She searched him and has an absolute zero tolerance approach on something all kids want to do, and most do. Its a bloody ball at the end of the day. To play a game. With his peers.
And yes if he cant negotiate or approach you then expect him to sneak around you.
Gosh your kids must get away with murder. You sound too soft. They walk all over you since this is your opinion .
Mate Im a teacher, my kids are great, thanks. The real issue here is why does my opinion over a kid having a ball at school bother you so much? But I actually dont care, youre being a bit ridiculous.
I don't care what your profession is. Mate. Your responses are what's ridiculous.
Schools are forever telling parents NOT to allow their Children to bring personal items to Class for this very reason. You , as a Teacher, would know this.
Let the kid learn a lesson. Ball is gone. Suffer.
But I mean searching him daily does make you sound a bit crazy
I hardly doubt she's insane, mad, and mental for searching her lying , secretive child. 😕🙄
Definitely not being a bitch.
My son is 6 and when he wants to take toys to school I tell him he's not allowed to and if he acts up about it I tell him if he loses it I don't want to hear about it and I won't be replacing it.
He doesnt take things often and hasn't lost anything yet.
They have to learn responsibility for their own belongings. If they don't listen to us they will learn the hard way.
At this age some things are if not encouraged at least accepted. For instance, I flat out refused to let my son take his ipod to school but his English teacher would let the kids listen to music during quiet work time. How was I going to compete with that? In the end I told him if he took anything (and it had to be his, no family stuff and nothing belonging to someone else) then he was solely responsible for it.
I understand the need to search him.
My 9 year old daughter is the exact same, if the things she tried to take to school were just cheap little odds and ends I wouldn't care but when she's trying to take $80 worth of brand new LOL dolls, the iPad and other things of significant value, special irreplaceable sentimental items or sometimes even things that don't belong to her - the need to check her bag and pockets is real!
On the odd occasion she's slipped something by me (and naturally, it got lost or stolen), I refused to replace it and I also refused to hear her complain about it because she disregarded the rules and because she disregarded me explaining to her time and time again why we can't take personal belongings to school.
Having said that, I also have a 13 year old son who regularly wants to take balls to school to play with his mates (his school is very stingy about letting kids use school sports equipment at break times).
A good compromise there was to get him a few cheap kmart ones so he could still be involved but not have to risk losing his good ones that were gifts etc.
No, you’re doing the right thing.
Schools have these policies in place for a reason. Personal items can get lost, stolen or cause problems between kids.
You’ve every right to insist your son not take them.
He’s old enough to obey they rules and if he doesn’t, to accept the consequences for his actions.
As to your ex, none of his business and he’s out of line.
My kid's school doesn't let them bring things either... But balls are an exception. Soccer balls, footballs, netballs, tennis balls, hand balls.... The school encourage them to bring them. And calls do get lost, punctured etc. I'd replace it sorry. Most other things I wouldn't but this I would.
You are in the right but unfortunately dad and that side of the family can do what they want.
Nope not a bitch at all.
Your son is old enough to know consequences and to follow simple instructions.
You asked him not to bring things to school and he did, therefore he has to take the consequences.
I work in a school and see your ex's family types all the time blaming others for something that happens. I'm on your side.