Sex Drive
I’m almost 40 and my sex drive has vanished!
I have three children, two of them born a year apart, with the youngest almost 2.
Life is crazy busy. I’m exhausted every day. Work, study, home, kids - i never have energy or time for myself anymore.
My husband is beyond amazing!
Super supportive and says he will wait til I’m ready and feeling myself again. No pressure at all. Just feel like I’m letting him down and neglecting him.
The spark is certainly there, and we try to make time for us which is challenging.
Love him to bits. I’m attracted to him and find him very sexy and when the sex is on, it’s amazing and extremely fulfilling for both of us. It’s just the lack of it since our two youngest have come along. We can go 6-8 months without even having sex, and i know deep down inside it’s all me who’s avoiding it, due to pure tiredness and I honestly have no interest anymore.
It’s just vanished!
What can I do?
Do I need to take something?
Have I reached an age I need my hormones checked?
I want our sex life back.
4 Replies
I haven’t, but I’m 29. My sex drive is huge. But my partner is 45 and has none what so ever. He says the same as you. Between work and kids he is just to exhausted to even think about it. Maybe it’s just an age thing where it just not that important anymore
I'm almost 50 and my husband is in his early 30's and my sex drive is incredibly high. More - so now than when i was in my 20's & 30's and i'm also menopausal, but my desire for sex with my husband hasn't wavered a bit! My sex drive has always been higher than his though, so i doubt its an age thing for people in their 40's to lack drive.
I think its hormonal, health, medication, or when people are just too busy and mentally cannot switch off, so it can happen at any age definitely not just to those in their Naughty Forties.
Go to your gp and get checked. Maybe there’s something going on, maybe there isn’t.
Then start making time for you everyday. Take 10 minutes to do something for you without interruption from hubby or the kids. Have a shower, sit and have a coffee/tea/hot chocolate, whatever. Try to do it when hubby is home so he can take care of the kids. Tell them this is mum’s time and to go to dad if they need anything. Set an alarm if you need to so they know when the alarm goes off they can come and see you again. Make sure hubby also gets some ‘him’ time as well.
Next start rebuilding the connection, the intimacy, between you and hubby. Snuggle together on the lounge after the kids are in bed. What did you do to maintain the intimacy early in your relationship before the kids came along? Send sexy little text messages to each other throughout the day. Lingering touches throughout the day. Little things that will show your partner you’re thinking of him, and that he’s thinking of you.
Have a look at your contraceptive if you are on any, if not its Probably a combination of things.
Worth getting a check over by a gp to rule out any health issues, but its most likely just the normal combination of stress due to overworking, tiredness, the mental load.
And if theres any unresolved issues between you and hubs (even stuff like he doesnt pick his socks up or whatever!) Then your body will react to that.
My advice is to book you and hubs a weekend away together and work on the romance as husband and wife - rather than mum and dad! Try not to force it either as that will only stress you out more.
Also try to genuinely make time for sex, like book it in with each other...sometimes the more you do it the more you want it