I need some advice on how to help my neighbour. Apologies for long post...
For over the last twelve months my neighbour has been contacting me about people being in her backyard at night, pointing lasers in her windows, noises at night, people trying to break in etc.
I have kept an eye out an have never seen or heard anything. I have listened to her, I have made suggestions, I have tried very hard to be supportive. Her husband was living with her but slept in a different room. They both seem to have some type of disability.
Since Covid-19, her husband has moved out and things have escalated and she is contacting me numerous times a day about people getting into her house when she is not home and taking the window blocks from her windows (nothing else was taken...), how she found rubbish on the floor she knows she put in the bin, someone has put tacks in her driveway (however told me that the builder she had there recently dropped tacks in the backyard). She has had her locks changed, which the real estate refused to pay for (I imagine because if she is contacting me every day, she must be contacting them also), she has called the police but says that they don't listen to her because of her illness.... she has told me she has an illness and is on medication for it.
Although her husband is no longer living with her, he visits and she has told me husband thinks she is depressed, I have suggested she talk to her GP which I have then found out she does have a specialist and a case worker.
Over the weekend she told me that the she called the police again because someone was trying to get in. I finally suggested that if she feels unsafe that she might need to look at moving somewhere that she does feel safer.... this resulted in numerous messages about how she has lived in the area more than most residents and that she pays her rent and will not move unless evicted and that she pays her rent on time and her landlord is happy with her.
I have tried to be a good neighbour and support her the best I can, however I am working from home and have 3 children remote learning and I honestly do not believe that anyone is trying to get into her house and if anything if there is someone messing with her or trying to scare her I think it is her husband? I am now just frustrated every time she contacts me.
I am really at a loss at what to do now?
Does anyone have any suggestions?
9 Replies
She can't be too scared if she's not considering moving. I would try and find a way to let her case worker or gp know of the behaviour you're experiencing, it may help them with her. Just an email will do, they are not allowed to discuss anything with you so don't expect reply but do pin point what is happening and the frequency. As for her ringing, all I can suggest is turn your phone off or just stop replying to her. The more you respond the more she will message. You've helped her as much as a neighbour can you can't do much more.
It sounds like there's potentially some mental health related paranoia at play here. I wonder if there's a way you could get hold of her case worker? Perhaps you could even call some local mental health services for advice.
Other than that, I think you just need to put some firm boundaries in place with her.
How old is the neighbour? I’ll refer you to the right services this way.
However, it is time to stop engaging with her
She is 46
It sounds cruel but you need to start setting firm boundaries. Engaging in these conversations isn’t helpful and can actually be harmful.
Stop responding to calls and messages.
Her case worker and doctor would already know what’s happening (delusions etc) because she will be telling them all about what she sees because she won’t have the ability to filter her conversations.
Id say more likely the husband had enough of it and is out of there. She sounds paranoid. And not moving is the clincher for me, if she legit feels unsafe she can take measures, but these 'things' that happen are going to continue to happen no matter what, so maybe suggest cameras as police will take it seriously when they see somebody on the property.
Sounds to me like she has schizophrenia I work in mental health specifically with schizophrenia. These are classic schizophrenic paranoia symptoms. If she is on medication this might need to be reviewed and need to see a psych. There is no reasoning with people that are experiencing paranoid schizophrenia because what they see hear and feel is very real to them.
Sounds to me like she has schizophrenia I work in mental health specifically with schizophrenia. These are classic schizophrenic paranoia symptoms. If she is on medication this might need to be reviewed and need to see a psych. There is no reasoning with people that are experiencing paranoid schizophrenia because what they see hear and feel is very real to them.
A client of mine (I’m a property manager) has very similar Behavior
She called me daily to tell me the most unimportant things or make up paranoid stories.
I.e
I saw my neighbour and I’m sure he’s friends with my ex husband and I feel threatened by him. You can’t tell anyone where I live.
Or will ring up and randomly tell me her kids are just kids and they laugh and it’s hard to keep them quiet
(Half stories with no point to them)
I’ve tried to have compassion and treat it seriously. And made a few enquires around and I have come to the conclusion she is lonely and has some mental issues. Likely PTSD along with a few other things, but the paranoia is high.
I’ve had to be firm with her and tell her that she can no longer contact me if it has nothing to do with her tenancy I.e repairs and maintenance and the likes and needs to take these matters to the police, once it is reported to police then to send me the event number. She hasn’t done any of that and no longer contacts me.
I am lucky to have a professional relationship so it is much easier for me to draw the line.
But basically you need to keep your distance and set firm boundaries.
It’s a hard position to be in, but your sanity children and work all comes first.
I wish you luck